Mathew’s exhausted expression morphed into an irritated one. “Pass.”
“Well, you’re a doctor. Do you think you’re in any condition to drive?”
He frowned, contemplative. Then he glanced at the house.
“I’m sure Rose wouldn’t mind…” she tried.
“I’m not going to bother them with helping me get home tonight. I’m sure they’re dealing with enough as it is.” He put his face in his hands and mumbled. “I need to see my mom.”
River sighed. “And you can do that in the morning. Get just a little bit of rest. You’re going to need your energy.”
Mathew’s sorrowful eyes drilled into her, and she thought he’d for sure argue. But then he surprised her with a short nod. He ended saying he’d sleep on the couch, that she didn’t have to give up her bed for him.
She didn’t sleepat all. Or if she did, she couldn’t recall. The moment the morning light shone through her windows, she was up and slipping into the kitchen. Mathew was still out, so she set to work getting him something to eat as quietly as possible. She was just about done with cooking a light breakfast when Mathew’s voice startled her.
“What are you doing?”
River turned around and served up two plates of eggs and toast. It wasn’t much, but it was what she had and could afford. She lifted the plates and moved into the living room, where he sat upright on the couch. There was one thought that had festered in her mind the whole time she’d been at the hospital.
This was all her fault.
“Here, you should eat,” she said quietly.
He took the plate, but he didn’t immediately dig in. He still looked utterly numb. Based on the arguments she’d heard between him and his father, she’d assumed their relationship was strained.
But then she had to remind herself that even strained relationships could be filled with love. And sometimes those kinds of death hurt the most. The death of a loved one who you were still trying to repair relationships with.
She took a deep, settling breath, then let it out. “I’m so sorry, Mathew. This is all my fault.”
He looked surprised. But whether it was due to her voice or her use of his name, she couldn’t be certain. His sharp gaze locked onto her and was currently burning a hole into the side of her face. She squirmed under that stare for a long while until he finally spoke. “You have nothing to apologize for.” There was a bitterness to his voice she’d never heard before.
“Yes, I do.” She peeked at him. “This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t ask you to come out here. You got in a fight with him over?—”
Mathew launched to his feet so fast that he nearly dropped his plate on the floor. “What are you talking about River?”
She flinched, her eyes growing wide for just a moment before she tightened her jaw and looked away.
“You can’t seriously be blaming yourself for this,” he seethed.
It took all of River’s self-control to remember that he was hurting and lashing out. She was trying to offer an olive branch, and he might not be ready to accept it. Still, it stung—more than she wanted to admit. She’d spent far too much of her younger years cowing to others, and she wasn’t about to let this man get to her.
With measured movements, she placed her plate on the coffee table and rose. “Whether you want to admit it or not, I was there. I pushed you into going on that ATV ride. And I keep replaying it, wondering if he would have had more time to treat his heart if we hadn’t made him upset.” Her throat tightened. “I’m not trying to make this worse, Mathew. I just… I needed you to hear me say I’m sorry.”
“Well, youaremaking it worse.”
She shook her head once, breath unsteady. “Okay. I can see this isn’t the time. I think it’s better if I step outside for a little while to let you be. You can stay up here if you need to.”
He opened his mouth, but River couldn’t take another word—not when her own guilt was already crushing her ribs. She moved for the door before she could change her mind.
Outside, the cool air hit her like a slap, and she sucked in a shaky breath. She hated herself for leaving him like that. But she also knew what grief could do to people. And she didn’t trust herself to stand there and get raw and honest when her whole life had taught her not to.
By the time she made it to the hangar, she felt even more guilty. Mathew didn’t deserve for her to react to him. He had just lost his father and she had no business bringing anything up.
Her attitude must have been more than obvious over the next few days because about a week or so after the incident, she was cornered not only by Emerson but Rose, too.
They practically blocked the exit, preventing her from taking off.
But the fact that both Emerson and Rose were here made her wonder if Mathew had said something to his cousin.
