Two hours of punishing pace brought me to a small, secluded beach on a curve of the lake, far from the rental cabins.Smooth stones lined the shore, and a fallen tree created a natural bench.I collapsed onto it, legs trembling from exertion, lungs burning.I had no doubt this wasn’t public land and I had likely trespassed on someone’s beautiful seclusion, but couldn’t bring myself to care too much.
The anger had finally burned down to embers, leaving only exhaustion.The fact I’d managed to work through most of my anger this quickly spoke volumes as to the depth of my feelings for Eric.Maybe I’d simply liked the idea of what he represented.I’d finally found a home and a close family, surrounding myself with proven friends.The irony wasn’t lost on me.
I pulled a small notebook from my backpack.I’d intended on doing some romantic journaling about our getaway.I uncapped my pen and stared at the blank page.What was there to say?“Dear Diary, today I discovered the two people closest to me are lying pieces of shit”?
I wrote anyway.Ugly, honest words poured onto the page.Raw hurt and confusion poured out, but I found the anger and loss were more for Jade than Eric.I wrote until my hand cramped, until tears blurred my vision, until the words themselves became nonsensical.I must have filled half my little composition notebook before I stopped.
“Three years,” I said aloud to the empty shore.“Three fucking years.”
My voice sounded strange in the silence, too loud and too small at the same time.A crow called from somewhere across the water, as if answering me.
The hike back was slower, my fury temporarily spent.I reached the cabin as late afternoon slid to evening.I’d ripped out the pages of that stupid notebook one at a time and burned them in the fireplace, and with them the last of that part of my life.
I showered, letting hot water pound against muscles already stiffening from unaccustomed exercise.After making a sandwich and snagging a soda, I wandered outside.
I sat in a chair on the porch again, watching the small lake turn golden in the setting sun, when I heard the distant rumble, growing louder, of motorcycles in the distance.Not just one or two, but several, their engines a thunderous chorus echoing through the trees.
I straightened in my chair, peering down the shoreline where the noise came from.Each cabin sat surrounded by heavy woodlands.Though they weren’t that far apart, the trees gave a sense of privacy and seclusion.
They came into view one after another.Five bikes, their chrome catching the last rays of sunlight.The riders were broad-shouldered men in leather vests, each with a woman riding behind them.They slowed as they approached the large cabin in the lot next to mine.
They dismounted with easy confidence.Their laughter filtered through the leaves, uninhibited sounds that seemed at odds with the peaceful setting.One man, taller than the others with what looked like blond hair pulled back, gestured expansively with a beer bottle that had appeared from somewhere, and the others roared in response.
“Kiss of Death MC,” I murmured, making out the words on their vests as they moved into the golden evening light.My university town was far from motorcycle club territory, but Kiss of Death was known in certain areas of Nashville.And not in a bad way.Oh, there were rumors of horrors they’d done in the past, but I’d never heard anything bad about them myself.In fact, I knew they protected New Beginnings, a women’s shelter in Nashville that everyone called Haven.Women in particularly bad situations were sent there until their abusers had been prosecuted.Every woman and child who’d ever spoken about Haven told of how safe they’d felt in the care of the motorcycle club’s security.
I should have been afraid, I suppose.Alone in a remote cabin with a group of bikers nearby.Instead, I felt an unexpected curiosity.Their obvious camaraderie, their comfortable inhabitation of their bodies and space, seemed like a foreign language I suddenly wanted to understand.
I watched until darkness swallowed them, until their cabin blazed with light and the sound of classic rock drifted through the woods.Their vitality stood in stark contrast to my hollow solitude, and for the first time since walking in on Eric and Jade, I felt something other than pain.
I felt… awakened.Like maybe there was something important in life I’d been missing out on and couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing.
I watched and listened to the sounds of raucous laughter and hedonistic joy until everything quieted down.Then I watched as, one by one, the lights winked out.As I pulled a blanket tighter around my shoulders, I decided that, from this point forward in my life, I left nothing on the table.I took each day and lived in the moment.Starting now.
* * *
The next morning, I stood at the water’s edge, glaring at the two-person kayak I’d dragged from the rental shed.I was determined not to waste another day drowning in self-pity.I would take this damn kayak out alone, even if it killed me.I’d thought about everything last night before I’d dozed off, then again early this morning when I made a grocery run.I would find a way to use this vacation as a reset to my life.
I gripped the bow, attempting to drag the unwieldy craft into the water.The kayak caught on the rocky shore, refusing to budge more than an inch at a time.I shifted my stance, hair falling from its messy bun as I yanked harder.The boat moved suddenly, then stuck again, sending me stumbling backward.
“Motherfucker,” I muttered, blowing a loose strand of hair from my face.I rarely swore, but sometimes, there just wasn’t a strong enough word in civilized language to adequately express one’s feelings.Motherfucker it was.
I moved to the stern, thinking I could push instead of pull.And listen to me pretending I actually know about boats.The kayak responded by rotating sideways, now perfectly parallel to the shoreline instead of perpendicular as needed.Sweat beaded on my forehead as I struggled to reposition it, my legs already aching from yesterday’s hike.
“This is ridiculous,” I hissed, kicking at a nearby stone.The pain that shot through my toe only fueled my frustration.I grabbed the kayak again, muscles straining as I tried to force it toward the water.My hands slipped, and I nearly face-planted into the side of the craft.
That’s when I heard the heavy crunch of boots on gravel approaching from behind.I straightened, suddenly aware of how isolated this small beach was, tucked away from the main cabin area.I’d been so consumed with my kayak battle I hadn’t considered who might be out walking this early.Also, I could admit I’d been seduced by their revelry the night before and didn’t consider the guys a threat even though I really knew very little about them.I turned, my body tensing instinctively.
He was tall, over six feet, with broad shoulders that strained against a faded black T-shirt.A leather vest hung open over his shirt, patches clearly visible.“Kiss of Death MC” arched over a skull smoking a spark-plug as a cigar, with “Nashville” beneath it.His dark blond hair was pulled back in a messy bun that somehow looked deliberate rather than haphazard like mine.A full beard, well-groomed, framed lips curled into an amused smile.His startling blue eyes stood out against tanned skin, crinkled at the corners as they assessed me and my predicament.
“That’s quite the fight you’re having with that boat,” he said, his voice deep with a slight but distinct German accent.
I straightened, suddenly conscious of my sweat-dampened tank top and disheveled hair.“I’m managing fine.”
His amused laugh rolled gently from his chest.“Ja, I can see that.The kayak is clearly surrendering.”
Despite myself, my lips twitched.I glanced back at the stubbornly beached kayak, then to the man again.Up close, I could see a small scar bisecting his right eyebrow and the weathered quality of his skin, not from age but from a life lived outdoors.His forearms displayed intricate tattoos with Germanic designs and text I couldn’t read.
“I’m Oktober,” he said, stepping closer.“Though you can call me ‘that annoying biker’ if you prefer.”His smile widened, revealing surprisingly straight teeth.
