“Victoria…” I rub her back gently. “Is everything alright with you and Wolfgang?”
“Oh, yes. Yes, he’s great.We’regreat.”
“Then what is it? Come on, you know you can talk to me, right?”
She sniffs. “It’s just something I’m going through with my family.”
“Oh…” My lips form a thin line. I know close to nothing about Victoria’s upbringing, but it sounds like she wasn’t dealt the best cards in life either. Another thing she and I have in common. “Well, it just so happens that I’m very good at listening. Like, exceptionally good. Have I ever told you that?”
She huffs out a small laugh then shakes her head, looking away. “My sister and my mother. They…um…were supposed to visit for Christmas, since we haven’t seen each other in so long. But something’s come up, as usual, and my sister has this party in Russia she wants to go to. My mother said we can FaceTime instead. So, you know, I’m just a little...”
“Disappointed?”
“Yeah. That would be a good word.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “Bailing on you like that…”
She offers a small shrug. “It’s fine. I mean, I should have expected it. It’s not like we have the best relationship oranything. I kept trying and trying, but it’s just the way things are, and I need to accept it eventually. It just sucks they don’t seem to care about it like I do, you know?”
I nod. “I can relate to that, yeah. My father and I don’t have the best relationship either. It’s like I don’t even exist for him. Not since my mother died, anyway.”
“That must’ve been hard for you growing up. I’m sorry.”
It’s my turn to shrug. She doesn’t know the half of it, but this isn’t about me right now. It’s about her. “We can’t choose our families. But we can choose our friends, and that’s something,” I say, smiling.
“That’s something,” she echoes, returning my smile. A second of silence passes, and then she sighs, looking down at the object she’s been holding in her other hand.
“Is that…a shoe?” I ask. “What were you doing here?”
“I guess I was polishing it.” She chuckles. “I needed to do something to take my mind off all that, and this was the only thing I could think of.”
I tilt my head. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed. It’s late.”
“You go ahead,” she says. “I want to finish up, and then I’ll go. Oh, don’t give me that look! You’ll thank me in the morning when your boots look spotless. I’ll be fine…I promise.”
I open my mouth to protest, but I decide not to. Ms. Donatello always used to say that moving your body is better than letting your thoughts move inside your head. If Victoria wants to polish shoes to keep herself from ruminating, it’s probably not a bad idea.
“Fine. I’ll let you off the hook for now. But tomorrow?—”
“Yes. We’re still on for that movie, and then we’ll talk. Pinky swear,” she says. Hesitantly, I get up, and before I walk away, she says, “Hey, do me a favor? Don’t mention this to Wolfgang, please. If he hears I’ve been crying, he’ll drag Anya and mymother here with a gun to their heads if he has to. I’d hate for them to visit just because they feel obligated, you know?”
“Don’t worry about it. My lips are sealed.”
“Thanks, Cecilia,” she says, and then the sound of a brush wiping leather resumes.
I move away slowly, in case she’s not really fine, but she seems focused and determined. I let out a sigh. What kind of mother doesn’t want to see her daughter on Christmas Day? The sadness in Victoria’s slumped shoulders is simply unfair. She’s such a sweet person, and to think her family is treating her this way…
Lost in thought, I peer out into the living room, even though I told myself I’d just go back to bed and stop looking for Mikhail. He’s not here. Maybe he’s in his office. Or the pool. Or anywhere else—this place is literally massive. There’s a chance we’d miss each other if I went looking for him.
God—when did I become so clingy? I can’t be like that. What would he think of me then? I’d drive him away, just like I drove away my father. The more I asked for him when I was little, the more he started working late. What if I do the same thing to my marriage?
I shake my head, the wood under my feet creaking with each step, the sound of Victoria brushing shoes fading in the background. The moon is out tonight, casting shadows around the windows and chasing me as I walk back upstairs. This behemoth house can be eerily quiet with just us four and the staff in it, especially at this hour, when everyone else is sleeping. Where did my husband disappear to all of a sudden?
Just as I finish forming the question in my mind, a low whistle threads between my heartbeats, long and dragged across the hallway, stopping me in my tracks. I don’t turn immediately, but I smile. Because, like always, I didn’t have to find him. He found me.
Mikhail
I lean against my desk, my arms crossed at my chest and my eyes on the door. Like a moth to a flame, I pull my wife into my office with nothing but the low whistle she recognizes too well. It’s how I used to haunt her. Of course she remembers.
