Declaring to the room that Noah was my son shocked the hell out of me, as I’m sure it did Cass, but not once has she brought it up, and to be honest, I’m grateful for her silence right now. My feelings are so strong for not just her but her son too. Yet I know I’m setting myself up to be betrayed. She’s keeping things from me, and while she’s holding secrets, I refuse to give her more of me.
Noah has quickly burrowed beneath my thick exterior along with his mama, and the thought of either of them suffering makes me murderous. I know how fucked up that is, given I’m happy to deliver punishment to Cass when Isee fit, but that’s a different kind of punishment, my kind, the kind she’s okay with, or she’d be telling me otherwise. My girl is a wildcat, a strong, independent woman, yet today in school, she became a terrified girl who needed her man to step up for her. They both needed me.
The fact that someone made them feel so vulnerable has me seething. Nobody should be made to feel like that. Especially those who are mine.
While I sit stewing in silence in the dark apartment, something occurs to me. Morgue once said he only feels like talking to those who mean something to him because he learned from an early age talking would land him in trouble. I never really thought much of it until now, but I know Morgue had a seriously twisted childhood, so bad his MC name was given after the place that caused the trauma. A big fuck you to the bastard who caused it to him.
It’s clear now that Noah has been through some shit, and therefore, so has Cassidy. The way she reacted in the principal’s office, stunned into shock and unable to function, it’s not normal, none of it is.
The way she remains so completely submissive when I expect an outburst from her… it’s like she’s been trained in some way. Conditioned, maybe?
Did that evil bastard hurt them?
The thought makes me murderous and more determined than ever to find out the names and addresses of the little shits who tormented my boy. That’s what he feels like—mine. Even though I haven’t informed Cassidy of how strong my feelings are for them, or come to terms with it myself yet, every biker knows you don’t have a woman on the back of your hog without the intention of them being your ol’ lady.
I drag a hand through my hair.
Jesus, I want to go all in, consume her like she does me.
There’s no damn way I can let that happen. Not until I have answers at least, and as time goes on, all I seem to have is more questions than before.
She knows something.
There’re too many secrets she’s withholding. Stella’s suggestion of getting close to her is biting me in the ass, because the closer I get, the more I want.
Noah’s face flashes before me. He’s a smaller version of Cass; petite, with a button nose and green eyes that hold both sadness and excitement. As if he knows there’s more to come in life for him, but he’s cautious to feel it. It’s like the kid is jaded already, and that tugs on something deep inside me, a familiar pang of hurt I once felt, and a need to take away his fear has my chest filling with resolve.
The way he trusted me to bathe him while Cassidy slept was a testament to our relationship. I was tempted to put the little guy to bed in clean clothes, but he kept darting his eyes over to the bath, and when I asked him if he wanted one, he was like an eager puppy nodding with excitement. Over a fucking bath.
I asked him if he had bath toys, but he stared back at me and shook his head. That’s something else I need to sort. Even I had toys in the tub as a kid. Alisha too. He’s missing out on the simplest of things, and I’m pretty sure it’s to do with the fact that Cass can’t afford them. Something I intend to fix. No kid should go without, least of all my woman’s. Mine.
When he finished washing, I carried him to his bedroom, wrapped in a towel. His room is sparse, with a small bed covered in blue sheets, a few toy cars, and a set of drawers with a lamp on top. I pulled open his drawers to find two sets of pajamas, two pairs of underwear, andtwo pairs of socks. He chose the pajamas with the cars, and I helped him into those.
Checking the next drawer down, it was clear he only had two items of each clothing, and I grew pissed.
At who? I don’t know. I know Cassidy has done her best by him. I just don’t like that he doesn’t have more.
My mind replays him climbing into bed while I kneeled beside him to tuck him in, and the words he said.“I don’t want to go back into the dark, Killa. I don’t want anyone to forget about me.”I pushed his messy hair off his face and cupped his little chin.
“Nobody can ever forget about you, Noah.”
“I hate being scared.”
“Everyone’s scared of something.”
Hope bloomed in his eyes.“What are you scared of?”
I wanted to tell him I was scared his mama would break my heart. I’m scared she’s lying to me when I’m falling for her. I’m scared of admitting how I feel in case she ruins it all. I’m scared if she gives me the answers I crave, I’ll hate her even more.
I went for a half truth.“Scared of police locking me up, and not seeing you and your mama again.”
“Police only lock the bad guys up.”He said it with confidence, and I was torn between asking him about Benjamin or leaving him be. If the bastard has done something to him, it could trigger some shit I’m unprepared for. So, like the pussy-whipped ass I’m becoming. I let another opportunity slide, even though it hurt to do it.
“Here.”I slid one of my rings off my finger, the one with a spider in the center, the one my father gave me when I was a kid.“Keep this safe, and it’ll keep you safe.”
His emerald eyes widened, and he chewed on his bottom lip just like Cass does. He sprang up from the bedand shocked the shit out of me when he threw his little arms around my thick neck.
Then he pulled back, and his gaze bounced over my face.“Are you going to be my dad now?”It caught me off guard and made my heart soar, but my blood swam with guilt.
