But lately, I’d checked in with Shona whenever I was on a run, or away for days at a time. I looked at the photo of her in my wallet and imagined her laying next to me. I knew I was in love with her, I had been for years, but I could never tell her that. I couldn’t tell her I had been inlove with her even when she had been married to one of my brothers in the club. That I had wished she’d leave that miserable ass and come slide into my bed for comfort. I couldn’t tell her half of the things I wanted to do with her on a nightly basis. She’d think I was disturbed, or worse.
I didn’t know if she could handle my darkness, or whether it scared her. I was a monster, I knew it, we all knew it, and yet my beast wanted its princess for salvation.
Because she was mine. I knew it without a shadow of a doubt.
“Why don’t you want people to know about me here?” I asked her, knowing it was going to cause shit. We’d had this conversation before. It always started a fight, but usually we made up and hate fucked until we made sense again. Yet, this time, I felt like…maybe I needed to know I was good enough in her eyes. I’d never needed that before.
“Come on, Niall,” she scoffed. “I’m going to be late for work.”
“You work outside, it’s not like you have to commute.”
She rolled her eyes and I wanted so badly to pull her over my lap and spank her for it, but I knew it wasn’t the right time. She was annoyed by something, and Iintended to find out what. Pushing out of the bed, I sat on the edge of it and waited for her to explode with whatever was bothering her.
“I don’t have time for this today, Niall. I have to train a couple of the new bunnies, and they’re as thick as their extensions.”
I would usually chuckle at that, but I was too worked up over why she was so hesitant to let people know. The clubhouse knew, everyone knew we fucked and yet she wanted to live in delulu land because she was worried they would think she was brother hopping. Fuck, we all knew how badly Dog treated her. She deserved so much more, and I knew I could give it to her. I knew I could show her that…even with a reputation like mine.
“Answer me, Shona.”
She dropped her bravado for a moment. “Niall, you know what we are…we are friends.”
“I want more,” I told her, and even though it surprised even myself, I knew it was true. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to claim her.
I could tell she was surprised. We had never spoken about the future or what we were, it was just a given,but it had gone on long enough now that I think it was something we needed to consider.
“What about what I want, Niall?”
“I’m fine with waiting a little longer. Hell, I’ll give you however long you want, but I want to know if this is something you are wanting too.”
“I…I…I don’t want to be married again.”
“I’m not proposing, Shona. I’m asking you to be mine, and that means telling everyone outside.”
“You want to claim me.”
I nodded. I could see tiny chinks in her armour. I just needed to keep chipping, to show her that we would be good together. That I wouldn’t be like Dog, that I would protect her and love her the way she deserved for the rest of our lives.
Fuck, look at me being all sentimental and shit. Normally this would scare the fuck out of me, but right now…what I was more worried about was losing her.
“I don’t want to be claimed.”
“Then be my girl,” I said. “I don’t care what you want to call it. Shona…fuck…just be mine.”
My voice was getting louder and I could see her slowly moving back, away from me. I knew I could get intensewhen I was losing my mind, but I just wanted her to admit what I felt wasn’t one sided. I knew she cared about me, fuck she may have loved me too and was just too scared to admit it. She got jealous when bunnies tried to pull me into a room. I’d seen how possessive she could be, especially when she’d pull me into her room later that night and fuck me absolutely senseless.
I should tell her that I didn’t care about the bunnies in the clubhouse, allay her fears even, but when she took control and showed me how much she craved me, fuck me it was a good night. I was selfish for that, and I knew it.
“Savage…”
“Don’t start calling me that.”
She took a deep breath, her hands on her hips and she looked at the floor. “Maybe we’ve just run our course, Niall.”
She was pulling away. Fuck, I’d pushed too hard, but it was so difficult to not have her admit what I already knew.
“You can’t mean that.”
“I do,” she said. “This was meant to be fun, a way to get a release but well…you have a girl out there that will happily be your woman. I just…can’t.”
