“What are you doing?” I asked, approaching him. There was a blanket laid out with a couple of pillows, and a Bluetooth speaker on top.
He turned to me. “Would you like to dance?” he asked, extending his hand to me.
I almost hesitated, embarrassed. But I’ve started to learn that I’m tired of shrinking into myself to accommodate those around me. With Grant, all he wanted was for me to be myself. “I’d love to dance with you.” He played a slow song and approached me. He pulled me close with both his hands on my waist, and I reached my hands over his shoulders. The song he played was a love song sung by a man who was trying to find the words to tell her he loved her. I gazed up into his eyes, and I saw the truth.He loved me.
We danced while I listened to the lyrics. The song had to be called “I’m Yours” because the phrase was repeated throughout. I lay the side of my head on his chest and lightly cried. For the first time in my life, I was experiencing genuine love.
The song ended. He tipped my face up to face him, wiping away my tears. “So, what do you say? I’m yours; will you be mine?”
“Can I confess something, first?” I looked away worriedly.
He tipped my chin back to face him. “Anything.”
I shifted my balance from one foot to the other, uncertain how I’d approach the subject. “Maybe I should have said something sooner, but it’s also a delicate topic. I may not be able to get pregnant naturally. I’ve had some complicated hormone issues, but I don’t want you stuck if you were hoping for some big family that I might not be able to give you.” I couldn’t read his expression.
He cradled my face in his hands. “If you decide you want to be a mom, then we’ll figure it out together. I want whatever life I can have with you.”
I jumped into his arms. “I’m yours, truly.” He spun me around, and we both laughed with glee. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I felt happier than I did in that moment with Grant.
“I love you, Serenity. And before you say anything about it being too soon, it would have been impossible to spend as much time as I have with you over the past few months without falling completely and fully in love with everything that you are.” He kissed me passionately.
“I wasn’t going to say it’s too soon because I think you know and understand me more than anyone else in my life—even Emma. You’ve given me something I’ve been searching for my whole life—a safe love.” I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
“You radiate empathy and honesty so beautifully, which is what I’ve been searching for my whole life,” he said, setting me down and to take a step back to admire me. He grabbed my hand and guided me to the blanket.
“I’m going to put some meditative music on; can you do something for me?”
“Anything,” I quickly responded.
“Now that most of the people fishing left, it’s nice and quiet. Can you lie back on the pillow and close your eyes?” I nodded, and he continued, “Focus on the meditative music and the sounds of the scenery. I always come up with the best epiphanies up here.” He took my hand in his as we both lay back on the pillows and closed our eyes.
I first thought about the two of us and how lucky I am to find someone like Grant to love me. Negative thoughts crept in, telling me he’s too good for me. I needed to practice believing I deserved good things in my life, and I didn’t deserve the trauma I was put through. I am not what I was put through, but it will always be a part of my story. And because of that, I had to make a difficult decision I’d been avoiding for too long. My peace, healing, and new life with Grant were worth letting go of people who no longer served a positive impact in my life.
I shot up. “I know what I need to do.”
Grant chuckled lightly. “What is it that you need to do?” He sat up next to me.
I searched for an explanation. “I need to cut off the financial ties I have with my mom. Then I need to completely distance myself from her––at least for the time being.”
“What financial ties?” I was afraid of that question. I didn’t think he would judge me, but I’d been judging myself. I couldn’t get away from Andrés if she hadn’t paid for my college. I had a safe condo in a good neighborhood, but she purchased it for me as a manipulation tactic. I see that now. I’d never be able to heal if she continued to cross my boundaries when it came to Andrés.
“She financially supported me through college, and even after. She bought my house, car, and gave me a credit card with no limit, but I haven’t used it since college. Emma and I could manage all our finances with our jobs, but I took everything she gave me as proof that she cared about me. The habit has been hard to break because I’ve spent my whole life begging for heracknowledgement and love.” He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
“How do you think she would react to cutting those ties?”
I pondered his question. “I’m not sure. I always thought maybe she used money to have some control or say in my life. Once I cut that connection, I’m afraid she’s going to try to alter my life in some awful and negative way. That could be an irrational fear, but I think that’s why I held on for so long.” I hugged my knees to my chest. “We never had a mother-daughter relationship. It has always been transactional—at least since I was eleven.”
“You know how strong I think you are, so I know whatever you end up doing, it will be in your own best interest. It’s not selfish to want a life of peace. If your mom hinders you from creating the life for yourself that I believe with my whole heart you deserve, then I will do anything you need me to do to support you in making that decision.” I scooted between his legs, leaning my back up against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me.
“You were right about this place,” I said.
“How so?”
“I feel happy and rejuvenated here. I’m ready to chase the life I want. I don’t have to be put through life anymore; I can experience the good and the bad and know everything meant for me will someday find me. Just like how you did.”
He squeezed me tight. “You are a brilliant woman. You can create the life you want, and I wholeheartedly believe that. I’ll be here to hold your hand on your journey and even join you if you ever need me to. But I have no doubts that you will accomplish great things, even without the financial security your mom provided. You will figure it out.”
I turned and looked into his eyes. “I believe you. I must be healing or something.”
