I felt the sting behind my eyes, holding back tears. “Now, I’m going to be the one who’s going to start crying.”
I stood and crawled into her bed beside her. “Maybe you’re my soulmate.”
She scooted closer to me. “I mean, that’s a given, but we would never work romantically, and I think we both still need that.”
We both laughed. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’ve missed you the last couple of days.”
“I talked about the year I moved back in high school in therapy, and it brought up a lot of emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time.” I was hesitant to bring up my first therapy session with her because even though she played a small part during a tough time in my life, she completely blamed herself.
“Oh…” she said, looking down.
“I needed to talk about how I felt abandoned by Shawn. He was there when it started. Emma, you know I don’t blameyou for dating him when I moved or for our very short falling out when I dated him in high school, right?” When she didn’t respond, I continued, “We’ve officially been friends for twenty years and best friends for almost the same amount of time. I hold absolutely no animosity toward you, but I have a lot to unload about my relationship and friendship with him. He let me down, you didn’t.”
She looked back up. “I know. I feel like I failed you or could have been there for you more than I was.”
“We were kids, we didn’t know any better.” I tried to soothe her guilt.
“I guess that’s true.”
“What happens in childhood can really make or break you. I refuse to let it break me.”
She sat up. “I want you to know that if you ever do want to talk about your therapy sessions, I’ll be here to listen. Sorry that Shawn’s been a sore subject for all these years, but I’m on this healing journey with you, okay?”
“Okay.” I sat up and hugged her.
“Sob fest over, let’s go finish that pizza.” We both climbed off her bed and raced toward the living room, where my dinner box lay open on the couch.
SEVENTEEN
PRESENT
Iwoke up grumpy as hell.
“Why, good morning sunshine,” Emma said as I joined her in the kitchen.
I crossed my arms. “Please tell me you made coffee and there’s enough for me.” I don’t usually consume caffeine, but I needed it today after the dream I had last night.
She handed me the small cup in her hand. “Here you go, cranky.”
“Sorry,” I said, taking a sip of the warm hazelnut goodness. “I had a dream about having a family with an ex last night and it has me questioning everything—especially about what’s blossoming with Grant.”
“What kind of dream?” she asked with a lifted brow.
“Not that kind of dream, pervert. It was a ‘too good to be true’ type of dream,” I said, using air quotes. “I was reminded I may never get the chance to have a family.” I took a deep breath, gazing off into the distance. My brain couldn’t let me bask inthe newfound happiness I’ve had with Grant without feeding me more doubts.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Just because your doctor said youmightnot be able to conceive naturally doesn’t mean there aren’t other options. You may even find a partner who wants to go on that journey with you, or maybe you decide you don’t even want kids. Either way, you will have a family if that’s really what you want.” She chugged the rest of her coffee in one big gulp.
“I know, I know. I’m overthinking as per usual.” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to disguise the true discomfort the dream gave me.
She placed a hand on my shoulder. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.” She winked at me playfully. “I have to head to work, but text me if you need anything. It was just a dream,” she reassured.
I hugged her. I sat at the table browsing on my phone when I received a text from Grant.
Grant
How excited are you for me to come home this week?
I instantly smiled because I was ecstatic to see him again. I obviously had more healing to do, but Grant had become someone I was willing to take the leap with. He was honest, emotionally available, and always tried to make light of hard situations.
