She’s the one!
Gio
Date is going well, I assume?
Me
She’s funny and sarcastic and flirty and drop-dead gorgeous. I’m already a goner for her.
Gio
Try not to fuck it up then.
I rolled my eyes. He was not the most supportive best friend, but he was never judgmental about how I've lived my life.
I had been texting Gio and scrolling on my phone for about ten minutes, and Serenity still hadn’t come back. I walked over to the bathrooms, and there was no line. I stood by the open door and yelled her name with no answer; maybe she went to the port-a-potty. I called her name again, and still there was no reply. I took out my phone to call her, but there was no answer there either. The panic began to rise, and I ran to every bathroom in the vicinity, but still no luck. I went back to where she told me to wait, and she wasn’t there.
I broke out into a cold sweat, my chest tightening and heart racing. My breathing grew rapidly, and the more I tried to slow it down, the more I couldn’t catch my breath.I needed to sit down.I tried to move my body toward the bench, but I was stuck in place. I couldn’t move. My vision started to blur and narrow. I sank to the ground against a wall in the corner by the bathrooms. My body instinctively rocked itself back and forth, a flashback overtaking me.
I read her note again and again, pleading for her to still be here. I ran through the house, searching for her in every room and yelling out her name. “Luna, I’m sorry.” She couldn’t seriously be gone; she was all I had left. It was one fight…after everything we’ve faced together, could she really walk away? But she wasn’t anywhere. And for the first time in my life, I had nobody.
“Grant, are you okay?” I vaguely heard Serenity. Thank goodness she was safe. But I couldn’t speak. I was breathing so hard and fast, I couldn’t even hear myself think.
“I’m going to put my hands on your shoulders, okay?” Serenity’s soft voice cleared some of the fog. I think I nodded, but I wasn't sure. “Focus on me. We’re going to breathe together, okay? I’m going to breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then exhale for four seconds. Let’s try it together.”
Her stunning storm-cloud eyes found mine and I locked my gaze on hers, following her lead. We breathed together for ten rounds before my panic subsided, my heart rate decreasing.
“Can you speak?” she asked in a calm and even tone.
“Yes,” I replied shakily.
“Can you list five things you see?” I knew the technique well and was glad she did too because it had always helped me connect with reality, even though I hadn't had a severe panic attack in many years.
“I see you, a Ferris wheel, a man eating a giant corn dog, a line of people, and a giant cow.” I tried to laugh at the last item, but I didn’t have the energy to follow through.
“Now, four things you can feel.”
“Your hands on my shoulders,” I reached for her hands, “the asphalt, my shorts, and you,” I said, reaching out to cup her cheek. This was the first time anyone had talked me through a panic attack before—besides my therapist. I was embarrassed, but I also held overwhelming gratitude toward her.
“Three things you can hear,” she said, leaning into my touch.
“People, music, and fair rides.” I was coming down from my attack. I was able to move my limbs, and my breathing was getting back to normal.
“Two things you can smell?”
“So much fair food and the vanilla scent you are wearing.”
She smiled at me. “Last one, name something you can taste.”
“I think I still have some aftertaste from the steak we had earlier.” I tried to bring the humor back, but her expression remained worried.
“I take it you’re feeling better?” she asked incredulously.
“I think so. I’m sorry…that hasn’t happened in a long time. I was looking for you, and then my emotions overwhelmed my body and started shutting down.”
“No need to be sorry—if anyone understands, it’s me. I learned the technique from my roommate. I went to get us a churro to surprise you.” She grabbed the churros that were abandoned in a paper bag on the floor.
“You roll your r’s when you say churro. Are you Hispanic?”
