“The pigs will be up all night if they realise more food is coming,” Maman said, smiling softly as Johnny held open the rickety gate. They skirted around the edge of the field, the smell of warmed soil a comfort to his over-full brain.
The pigs came running out as soon as they reached the sties, and Frank wasted no time in ramming his head into the bowl. Maman laughed, pitching forwards as the pigs surrounded her, their floppy ears slapping against her bare calves.
“Maybe we’ll keep one,” she said, scattering the vegetables a few metres away.
Johnny smiled. “You say that every year, Maman.”
She sighed. “Before I remember how good they taste.”
They stood in silence for several minutes, listening to the forest and watching the sun go down.
“You’re right,” Maman whispered, rubbing her arms. “I do regret working so much.”
Johnny pulled her against him, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. “Maman?—”
She held up a hand. “When we first moved here, I was so determined to make it work. So focused on making a life for everyone that I… I didn’t notice the years slipping away. I know parents say this all the time, but when I look at you I still see my little Johnny-Paul. My baby. My firstborn. And then I put myarms around you and I realise that in the blink of an eye you’ve become a man. Taylor, too. Both of you are so big now.”
“I know,” Johnny said, kissing the top of her head.
“And I’m so proud of you, John-Paul. I wish… Sometimes I wish…”
He looked down at her, realising that tears had silently started rolling down her cheeks.
“Sometimes I wish I could go back. I know… I know you and your grandfather were close but?—”
Johnny shook his head. “No matter how good he was at being a grandfather, it was never an excuse for being an overbearing arsehole. I do miss Tatie and the cousins though.”
“I know, baby. Some days I think I want to go back. Bring the girls, show them the city, take them shopping. But then I…”
“You were brave,” Johnny said, picking up her words. “You were brave to follow Aunt Chichi here after?—”
He didn’t need to say it. Because all he could remember was there being a time before his grandfather attacked Aunt Chichi, and an after. Before England, and after England. Before Taylor and—he hoped there wouldn’t be an after.
Maman sniffed and looked up at him. “I miss it, you know? Cameroon, the pack, how lively and open everything was out there.”
Johnny laughed. “It’s pretty lively here, you know? Or maybe you’ve just gotten used to drowning out the noise like Papa.”
“Maybe. Maybe. But I’ve realised that home doesn’t have to be a country or a house. It’s wherever the people you love the most are.”
Johnny nodded quietly. “Some days I’m not sure Taylor realises that. And I wish he would.”
Maman hummed. “I know.”
“I told him,” Johnny said, squeezing Maman’s shoulders. “I told him I’m in love with him.”
Maman gasped and buried her face in his chest. “I knew something was up,” she said, looking at him with wide eyes. “And? How did it go?”
Johnny wet his lips. “I… came on too strong. Pushed too much. He told me that he and Sam had—” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have pushed it, and I know it’s completely messed up to feel jealous of a dead woman, but—” He shook his head again. “I didn’t think we had sex with our friends, because shewasour friend, and an alpha, and I just—” He pressed a hand to his face as his eyes started to sting. “He said he can only be with omegas, but then he also said he didn’t hate that we…” He pressed his lips together because Maman didnotneed to knowthatpart of the story. “You and Papa just make it look so easy.”
He had thought he was fine. Finding out that Taylor was attracted to alphas should have made him excited, and it had initially, but as the days wore on it just left him feeling hollow. Like a door had opened and he could see the crystal skull glinting on the other side of the circular saws and snake pits, and he could totally reach for it if he wanted to, but doing so also meant certain death. If the door had remained closed he wouldn’t have needed to think about the snakes, or the possibility of losing a leg.
Fucking hell, he was even thinking like Taylor.
Maman shook her head. “Love doesn’t always arrive softly, John-Paul. And yours isn’t a romance of youthful passion, it’s hard won through understanding. Me and Papa… It wasn’t always easy for us. But it’s our job to make itlookeasy. Taylor… he didn’t have that.”
“I know,” Johnny whispered. “I know.”
“And you know something else?” Maman continued. “Love isn’t always on time, either.”
