“No, no, no,” I muttered, grabbing his arms and shaking him, as though he was just drifting off to sleep and that would wake him up, but instead, it sent him wobbling back and forth, and I wrapped my arms around his middle, afraid he would topple over and shatter into a million pieces.
I couldn’t lose him. Not Roland. I needed him, whether he was sick or angry or addicted to my blood and needed me to open a vein for him every single day. None of that mattered. Only he did. Only Roland.
When I was sure he wouldn’t topple and shatter, I reached up to cup his cheek, and it was cool under my sweaty palm. Roland was never cool. Even though humans tended to run cooler than dragons, Roland had always been warm against me.
“Roland. Roland please, you have to wake up. I”—my voice cracked, and big fat, sloppy tears started to roll down my face—“I can’t do this without you.”
I didn’t want to say it, but as things were, I couldn’t do anything without him. I couldn’t transform and carry the stone he’d become back to the palace, and beg his family to help me. If anyone could fix it, it would be Gillian, but she was so far away, in Brynaf, taking care of the twins.
Without my wings, I could never hope to get Roland to her.
I couldn’t hope to take Roland anywhere. He was made of stone, and far too heavy for my weak two-legged form to move at all.
“Please, Roland, I need you. Please don’t leave me.” I buried my face in his unforgiving stone chest, and that made the tears come even harder. Roland was always there for me. Always soft and warm and willing to drop everything to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything was going to be fine.
The worst thing I had faced since the Battle of Windy Pass was the one thing Roland couldn’t help me with: the loss of himself.
But no. No, I didn’t accept that.
I would not lose Roland.
I left my arms wrapped around his middle, and slowly, gently lowered him into the sand. Halfway down, my arms started straining to bear the weight of a statue the size of my best friend, and the fact that I was sweaty and sobbing wasn’t helping me keep traction, so the smooth stone started sliding down, out of my hold.
I paused there like that, wrapping my arms fully around him again, holding him tight to me, even as my arms screamed in pain at the continued weight of him.
That didn’t matter.
He was Roland, and no matter how heavy he was, I would carry him wherever I had to. Whatever had to be done.
And if I couldn’t get him away from there, then... then I would lie down there with him in the sand and reeds and die alongside him.
Life without Roland, I realized in that moment, simply wasn’t an option. I had no life, if Roland wasn’t in it.
Once more, I started lowering him, and finally, just as I was sure the muscles in my arms would tear from the exertion, we reached the ground. We lay there, him in the utter silence of his alabaster perfection, and me panting and wheezing like an old man who had just tried to run for the first time in a decade.
When I finally caught my breath, I leaned in over him, looking down into his closed stone eyes, beseeching. “Roland. Please Roland.”
But it was no use. He couldn’t hear me. He couldn’t, or wouldn’t, return to me.
But... I knew what was wrong with him, didn’t I? I knew why this had happened, why he had been so out of sorts, hearing things and angry for no real reason. I knew what he needed.
What he’d told me he didn’t want.
So if I gave it to him, it was... it was a betrayal, of sorts. I would be taking his choices away from him, forcing him to do something he didn’t want to.
Would he ever forgive me if I forced my blood on him?
It didn’t matter, I realized. Because Roland was more important than I was. Oh, maybe not to him, or my family, but to me? Roland was everything.
I sat back, looking both of us over, and realized that neither of us had a single sharp object on us. I’d been naked from flying, and Roland had been kidnapped. Of course they weren’t going to let him keep a dagger. I cast around, looking for sharp rocks orjagged plants or anything that looked likely to cause damage, but there was nothing.
Howwas there nothing?
When I randomly slipped and fell outside, there was always a sharp rock just waiting to break thin two-legged skin. But when I needed something, there was only sand and tall grassy plants.
If I could find a shell on the beach—but who had time to spend all afternoon searching the beach?
No, I had one option, and nervous as it made me, there was no choice.
