ROLAND
While Aderyn watched the peacocks, I watched him.
The way his face slackened and his eyes glistened with awe. His soft inhale when one of the birds saw a rival and unfurled his magnificent fan of tail feathers. How the glass around us diffused the light trapped between snow outside and the cloud cover above, making everything brighter all around us, Aderyn a beautiful golden spot in the haze of white.
Aderyn was caught in the magic of the new birds, and I could watch him wonder at these creatures all day.
“Do you like them?” I asked softly, hesitant to break the moment.
But then, he sent a smile my way and the whole world was swathed in warmth. “They’re wonderful.”
His green eyes twinkled, and I slipped my hand into his and squeezed.
Ruling Llangard rarely meant making a person so happy. I did my best, but there were compromises to be made in the name of fairness. I couldn’t simply dote on every subject I crossed paths with, just to make them smile.
Quite frankly, I didn’t want to.
But I knew Aderyn’s suffering like it was my own. I’d felt every shard of fear and loss in my heart, each time I let myself reflect on his long, lonely childhood. He deserved happiness more than anyone I’d ever met, and I’d do anything it took to give it to him.
Anything.
I hardly cared if it cost all of Llangard, little as I’d admit that aloud.
“I’m glad.” I spread my fingers, and his slipped between mine. His were long and thin, mine stout and rough. “Their feathers sparkle in the sun like jewels. I’ve brought the fallen ones to your hoard already, if you’d like to keep them.”
New feathers that we gathered while Aderyn was away, I placed on a table for inspection. Yes, Aderyn could arrange them however he liked. They were his. But if I found something I thought he’d like, I’d offer it.
This was the one good thing I could do without weighing my duty in the balance—making Aderyn happy. And he was my truest friend, so why shouldn’t I?
I stayed long enough for him to find one of the seed feeders around the aviary, and he took a handful and knelt in the grass. A peacock near him tilted its funny little head, blinking wide black eyes curiously. It strutted close, one careful step at a time, before eating right from Aderyn’s outstretched palm.
He smiled as the beak tickled his hand.
“I have a meeting with some foreign dignitaries,” I mused, even then, lost in watching him. “You can stay here, if you like, or get settled in.”
Aderyn’s smile hardly wavered for a second, and still, I found myself shaking my head against his worry.
“It’ll only take an hour or two,” I promised. “Then, supper.” We’d have meat and vegetablesandcake. Aderyn could takehis pick of anything Llangard could provide, and perhaps then, Hafgan would be satisfied. “And I’m all yours after that.”
We wouldn’t plan anything too serious that first night. Mostly, I thought he’d find his way to my bed, or me to his, and we’d put our feet up on the headboard and I’d ask him about the Hudoliaeth and the Summer Clan and the Stone Clan and Dorte and all the birds he’d seen on the road.
We’d probably hold hands.
We’d—
Well, I wasn’t sure. We were close in every way. Aderyn had been my first kiss, only kiss, and sometimes I thought?—
I didn’t know if he wanted more. Sometimes, I hoped he did. He was my heart, out there in the world. But when I let myself imagine more than the sweet gestures that’d come so naturally to us over the years, I was... I was afraid.
The very last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Aderyn, and pressing for anything more from him surely would. Especially when?—
I just wasn’t sure I was good enough for him. I would always try, but I’d determined years ago that if the best thing I could do for Aderyn was be his friend and confidant, then that’d be all we were. He would always be able to count on me, no matter what.
If that meant he wanted a kiss, good. His lips were soft and sweet, and he belonged close to me.
If he changed his mind later, I’d still be here.
“All right,” he said, his smile as sure and sweet as ever. Even if he didn’t want me gone, he’d put aside his own needs for a while, because it came too naturally to him to expect too little.
