He hadn’t seen the extent of Aderyn’s suffering. He hadn’t watched Aderyn bleed like I had.
“You’re wrong.”
Bet huffed. “It’s a matter of blood. Mine doesn’t change me. Tristram’s doesn’t change him. Your character matters more.”
My character had tolerated this mess, this duplicity, for as long as I’d had Aderyn.
I scoffed. “My father would’ve killed Tris.”
Bet’s brow puckered. “He didn’t.”
“No,youdidn’t. He would’ve.”
“Aderyn is nothing like your father.”
I growled, shoving his chest. “I know that!”
If anything, the monster was me. The singing need in my mind that had me slurp down every drop of blood Rhys had offered me—that was all the greed of a Cavendish king.
Aderyn should wish me dead, and if he didn’t, it was only because he was far, far too good to bother with Llangard—to bother with me.
The horrible truth was, my father would have killed me. He’d nearly killed Tris, killed Rhiannon, and I’d already been such a disappointment to him.
The moment I’d turned, Father would have killed me.
And no matter what I was, Aderyn never would. He’d never hurt me the way?—
The way that I’d hurt him.
Even when I shoved him again, Bet didn’t move.
My arms fell slack, and a hollow sound reverberated in the glass wall when I dropped my head against it.
“But I’m—I’m going to lose him,” I whispered, voice hoarse and throat thick with feeling. “He’ll leave.”
He’d have to. He’d take to the Mawrcraig Mountains like the dragons of old, hide away from blighted humanity, and I’d lose him forever.
He was my?—
He was my friend. My truest friend. The one I trusted with parts of myself that I didn’t dare show my people.
I just couldn’t burden him with this. The truth of me would devastate him, and I’d lose his smile, the warmth of his arm against mine, each moment we stole together.
While we’d been in those cages, side by side, my heart had split in half so he could carry part of me wherever he went, and when he saw me now, he’d leave with it. I’d never recover.
Bet swallowed. “He may not.”
The sound I made then was one of utter anguish. I pressed the heels of my palms to my closed eyelids.
He should leave.
If he didn’t, no doubt Hafgan would take him away.
I wouldn’t ask Aderyn to keep this secret from his own family. Hafgan had enough sense to protect his small clan.
“But Roland,” Bet said quietly, “you cannot leave him in the dark any longer. He’s seen the truth and assumed the worst. Trust him with the best of you.”
There was no best inside me that blotted out the extent of my failings. I hung my head, but what choice did I have? I’d share this horrible reality with Aderyn.
