“Fuck,” I mutter. I remember how he was afterward, the lengths I had to go to in order to bring him back. And he still can’t eat pancakes. “Thank you… Thank you for being there for him when I can’t.”
She shrugs one shoulder, glancing away from me. “Lio is special. I…am grateful for everything you’ve done for me. And while I feel like I failed you, I will make sure things are in place for him before I leave.”
Panic floods me at her words. My jaw drops as I shake my head, and my hand trembles as I run my fingers through my hair. Clearing my throat, I try—but fail—to keep my voice steady as I ask, “Leave?”
“Yes. It’s…time. I’ve been given quite the offer. I’ll be heading over to the Petrov Organization. With my background as a doctor, and the fact I’ve kept up my studies in the Russian language, I’ll hopefully be a solid asset to them.”
“You’ll be far more than an asset,” I retort sharply. “And I expect them to treat you as such. I’m sure Emilio will say the same, if he hasn’t already. I’m surprised he’s willing to part with you.”
“I haven’t told him yet. And right now isn’t the time. Regardless, we’ve formed a new organization here—a new Family—and it’s best for only one doctor to take point. In this case, Doc is the better option.”
I bite my tongue to argue against that. I no longer have the right to offer my opinion on these decisions. But in my mind, Sarah will always be the best there is. Instead, I give her the honesty she deserves as I gruffly say, “You will certainly be missed. I hope that you keep in contact.”
I know I’m probably asking too much. At most, she’ll likely keep in contact with Lio, simply as he won’t allow otherwise, and perhaps Doc, as they’ve formed a friendship. But me? I can’t imagine that.
“I will. Yes, that includes you.” I give her a weak smile, surprise overwhelming me. “You’ve done a great deal for me. It won’t be forgotten. And…I should have pushed for you to get help.”
I don’t say anything to that. I’m not sure Cristian and I could have been stopped in our descent into madness. Then again, it never occurred to me to try, or that I was struggling with the aftereffects of what I went through. Such an emotional response would have been considered inappropriate, yet even I’m not immune it seems.
“Still, I wish you well. You’ll do great things.”
“I’m not leaving yet. Not until the threat to our family is gone. However, I need you to make me a promise.” She leans forward, grasping my hand firmly. I stare at her in expectation. “Get help. I need you to show Lio that therapy isn’t a dirty word. You may no longer be the Boss, but you can still lead by example, especially with him. He still loves you. If you really do love him, prove it.”
“I will.” It’s a simple promise to make, but one that will not be easy to uphold, and she knows it.
“Alright, I’ll check in with you later. Until then, you need to continue getting some rest. We’ll start you on some light exercises later this week.”
With that, she’s up and out of the chair so quickly it’s almost like she was never here. But I think that’s the extent of the emotional conversation we can have at the moment anyway. It certainly left me exhausted.
Therapy…I don’t have anything against it in a general sense. Yet, the idea of being stripped down for a stranger is terrifying. It was one thing when it was Luca who stripped me of my falsehoods. But a stranger? Yet, if it’ll help Emilio, of course I’ll do it.
And really…I know I can’t continue as I am. I’m stagnant. I’ll never get better, never find a path back to those who deserve my care. If someone can help me, then fuck, I’ll throw my remaining ego aside and reach out gladly.
I can’t say I’m ready to face therapy for myself yet. Maybe someday. But for Emilio, Cristian, the Boys, and this newfound Family…that’s what I’ll do. I just hope whoever Doc knows is ready. My Emilio won’t make it easy on them when he’s the one facing therapy.
Tennant stirring brings me out of my light doze. He sits up in bed and I open my eyes to glare at him, reaching for his arm. He looks at me and huffs.
“Door,” he signs.
Scrubbing a hand over my face, I slide out of bed and stare at him until he rolls his eyes, but he lays back down next to Hollis.
I don’t bother reaching for my hearing aids. Whoever is at the door is risking their lives by interrupting us, so unless it’s to tell us the house is on fire, or Roman needs us, whatever they have to say can wait until later.
I’m only mildly surprised when I open the door and find Antonio on the other side. He looks up at me, his chocolate eyes full of need and pain. “Fuck, Bello. Come here.”
I reach out for him, holding him close and feeling him shudder in my arms. His lips move against my throat, and I pullback enough to look down at him with a grimace. “I didn’t hear you. One moment.”
Pulling him into the room, I close the door and tug him over to the nightstand so I can grab my hearing aids.
“I’m sorry,” Antonio says lowly once he’s sure I can hear him. “I promise, I’ll learn ASL?—”
“Hush.” Placing a finger over his lips, I lean in and kiss him gently. “You’ll get there. Now isn’t the time to worry about it, though. You going to tell me what’s wrong?”
He looks to the bed, where Hollis is still asleep, and Tennant is doing a good job at pretending to be.
“Don’t worry about them.”
Taking his hand in mine, I lead him to the side of the room, where Hollis had a chair and table brought in so he could work and observe whoever is in bed. Sitting down, I encourage him to straddle my lap.
