Tapping my fingers on the desk, I can’t disagree with that, so I shrug. “Then I need my office, and the therapists' offices, offline as a minimum. And I’d prefer a way to stop audio if, for some reason, discussions of a private nature take place outside those rooms.”
“Are you sure you want to be completely offline? After all, there’s no safety net then—especially for your therapists.”
Sighing, I can’t disagree with that either. While I can hold my own in a fight, a couple of therapists I have marked would likely be uncomfortable spilling blood. Twisting my lips in a grimace, I nod with reluctant acceptance. “Fine. Video only. What about finding a way to turn off audio elsewhere when needed?”
Hollis shakes his head immediately. “Nope. There’s only two people allowed in my system. You won’t be one of them. I will make sure the audio files are deleted without them being listened to, but that’s the best I can do.”
“Very well.” I’m still not happy, but it’s as good of a compromise as I’ll get. At least, he’s taking me seriously. That speaks well for his leadership. “Then the only other thing I need from you is direction. I want to speak to the lawyer who is in charge of Tennant’s court case. I’m getting him the fuck out of the court system. I don’t care if I need to kill everyone in the damn system itself, but he will get out. Although, I suspect with my reputation, I won’t actually need to kill anyone…which is a pity. But still, I need the introduction and permission.”
“Why are you asking me and not the Council?” Hollis counters, and I struggle not to roll my eyes.
“Logic. Carter, while extremely smart and clearly passionate, only has a background as a mafia spouse. Roman is the heir, and while he’s a Co-Council member, he’s still too new. Lio…Lio is unique. With his previous Second status, combined with both his heir status—although most people likely didn’t know that—and his semi-spouse acknowledgment, he’d be useful. Unfortunately, he’s not an Amato, and therefore, can’t get anything done. From a power perspective, and a leadership denotation, that means it falls to you. You may play behind the scenes, but you’re the one who makes the calls.”
He stays quiet, but I can almost see his thoughts. He's likely wondering if he could get away with killing me for seeing too much. He could try. It would certainly be interesting to see whocomes out on top, but I have too much on my list…and I’m sure he does as well.
With a grunt, he waves his hand. “Fine. I’ll get you the introduction. But fuck it up and I’ll make you pay for it.”
An anticipatory smile spreads across my face, and from the relief on Hollis’s, he must see my sincere dedication to the cause. I abhor bullies. And this will give me a perfect opportunity to channel some of my needs…
“Alright, now that is all out of the way, let’s talk about you andyourneeds.”
His mood shuts down fast, and I can almost see the walls slamming into place to protect himself. I can’t blame him. This family has had shitty luck with mental health providers, and just because I say I’m different, it doesn’t make it believable. No, I have an uphill battle, but I’ll prove myself. I was serious when talking to Carter—I don’t care who I have to drag where. By the time I’m done, they will all have received the best help possible.
“I’m fine…” he grits out. “The meds Doc has me on are working.”
“But they're making you tired,” I say pointedly. If he thinks I’m going to be fooled by a quick shrug off, he really needs a reality check. He doesn’t say anything, making a disgruntled sound instead. “In order for this to work, I expect honesty. I will do everything possible to help you, but we’re a team on your health. I’m not able to read your mind, therefore you have to tell me what’s going on, and in turn, I will do everything possible to make things better.”
His scowl deepens as his stare drills into me. “I don’t need your fucking help.”
“You do. I already know you want Lio to get better. If that’s the case, you need to set an example. You may be more comfortable working with Doc, but I’m the expert in this field. He defers to me for a reason—and not just because I outscoredhim on a test. While he’s an arrogant fucker, it’s because he’s a supremely talented doctor. But the mind? That’s my wheelhouse. So, you can either work with me on it, or suffer and watch as Lio falls apart worrying over his Owner.”
I let that hang in the air before hammering it home again. “What’s it going to be? Save Lio, even if it makes you uncomfortable, or be selfish so you can remain in your safe little bubble?”
“I don’t appreciate emotional blackmail,” Hollis snaps at me, his fingers curling into fists that I’m sure he’d love to use on me.
“And I don’t appreciate having to fall back on it. But I will use whatever methods necessary to get you treatment. Fight me or not, but thiswillhappen.”
“Fuck,” he mutters, relaxing his hands and huffing. “Fine. You want the truth? The nightmares are bad again. I don’t like to sleep because of them. The thoughts…are there. Always. They mock me. It doesn’t matter how on top of things I am, I’m constantly worried something will fall through the cracks. And if that happens, it’ll be my fault… I can’t live with another failure.”
“Thank you for your honesty,” I reply softly, but carefully. I don’t want him to read any pity, but I know the very bare minimum of his case history and I don’t want to make this more painful for him. “How would you feel about tweaking your meds slightly? I’m sure the tiredness is actually making the anxiety worse. There are options for newer medications that don’t have quite as severe side effects. However, like all psychiatric medications, it’ll take at least two weeks to see the full benefits, and you’ll have some side effects until your body adjusts.”
“Fine. Just…don’t make it worse.” I’m sure he means for it to be a threat, but it comes out as a broken plea, and my heart softens slightly…well, as much as it can.
“Alright, then that’s what we’ll do. Normally, I try not to change more than one medication at a time, but I’m going toswitch your antidepressant and add a very low-dose sleeping medication—it’s also an antidepressant, and it should help. The half-life to it should mean you’re not too groggy in the morning. But, if you are, you just need to let me know. I will work with you to get you on the best regime possible. And…I need you to consider therapy.”
“Oh, fuck that,” Hollis hisses. “You’re not letting someone play around inside my brain. I’ve already been through therapy. I don’t need to be told the same thing again.”
“You’re right. You don’t. But there are countless types of therapies, and the best therapists work with their patients to find what gives the most benefits. It’s hard work. I have no doubt you can do it though.”
His gaze slides from me as he digests my words, tension pouring off him like a tidal wave and threatening to suffocate everything in his pathway—including me, if I let it. I blink as he shoves himself to his feet, beginning to pace. I keep my mouth shut as I watch him prowl around my office, the pent-up emotion needing somewhere to go. Eventually, he stumbles to a stop, his head hanging low.
“I’ll think about it.” His voice has a raw quality to its tone, as if he’s been screaming instead of the silence that has reigned in this small room. I know that’s as far as I’m going to get for now, which is fine. The thought is there, and I’ll take that as a good first step.
“Thank you. Now, I believe I still need to see Roman, but I’ll make sure your medication is filled and ready. You can come to me at any point. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night. The hardest part about being a leader is not knowing when it’s safe to let your guard down…you can do that with me.”
He doesn’t acknowledge my words as he rushes toward the door, but it’s enough that I’ve said them. And I’ll keep saying them until it gets through to him. Responsibility…he has somuch on his shoulders, but they’re powerful enough that he's convinced himself that he can—and should—carry it all. Now I need to teach him that he doesn’t have to carry it all the time. The best leaders know when to set it aside and breathe.
Eventually, I’ll get through to him. If anything, he just handed me my biggest challenge, and that’s saying something considering what kind of cases I’ve dealt with in the past. I hope he realizes I don’t give up easily, because he has captured my interest now… As Ely would say, that’s not necessarily a good thing. Although really, in this case, it is, even if he doesn’t think so…
