James laughs. “Twelve.”
Fuck my life.
Releasing James, I sigh. “Lead the way.”
James wraps an arm around my shoulders and escorts me out of the diner. The door to our car opens before we even get there, and Daddy hops out.
I wince at the expression on his face. I amsogetting a catheter.Motherfucker.
Igroan as I fight against the heavy blackness. Fuck. My head hurts from the last of the sedatives burning through me, and my body aches from pushing it too far.
“Are you back, Topolino?” I sigh at the words, even as worry layers itself over me at the roughness of Tennant’s voice.
Turning my head, I meet his exhausted gaze. Penetrating as always, but so damn weary. My heart sinks at the worry I must have caused him. I’m supposed to be one of the lovers he can count on, and I failed.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hoping he hears my remorse.
Tennant shakes his head, his hand roughly tugging at his hair. He leans forward in the chair next to me, grasping my face hard enough that it’ll likely leave bruises, but not the fun type. Still, I don’t fight against it.
“You have no idea what I’ve just gone through waiting by your side. First, you try to get yourself killed—using me—and then this? What were you thinking?”
Shame fills me and my cheeks heat in response. He drops his hand, but thankfully, it’s only to hold mine. I draw strength from it, just as I always do from him. I don’t know what I’d do without this man.
“I…wasn’t. Not logically, at least.” I shrug and look down at the covers. Fuck, I hate hospital beds. Swallowing, I raise my head enough to look at him, deciding to put it all on the line. He can judge me as he sits fit—I deserve it. “I’ve been a shitty friend to Lio. And for far too long.
“When his soulmate went missing, I wasn’t there. I fell in love and ignored what he was going through. When his soulmate crossed an unforgivable—in my opinion—line, I wasn’t there. When he fell in love with you…fuck, I felt so threatened that I contemplated stabbing him. Even though I know he’d never do anything to hurt me.
“And when he was kidnapped, I tried to help behind the scenes, but I should have been by his side the moment he got back. He never should have had the fucking privacy to do what he did. If I’d been there…maybe I could have prevented it. Maybe I could have talked him through it.”
Tennant frowns, but there’s no disgust on his face. Not like there should be. “Alright, you’re correct that you could have been a better friend, but still, you could have seriously hurt yourself. What were you even planning on doing? Right now, he hasn’t even been allowed visitors.”
“Well, I didn’t know that. I just wanted to get to him, to be next to him. To remind him that I love him. That I’m here for him. No matter what. Even if I’ve been fucking up recently.” I take a deep breath, tears creeping down my face. “I…I don’t think I’m ready to be a Second. I’m sorry. I know you put a lot oftime into training me, but…I don’t deserve it. I’m just not ready for that level of responsibility. I got so caught up in the position that I forgot my friendship should come first.”
Tennant studies me, but doesn’t say a word. He just continues to hold my hand. Panic clutches at me, chasing away the last of the sedatives completely. I may lose him now. Now that he knows the truth. Now that I can’t be a Second.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my tears falling harder. “Please, don’t leave me. I know I’ve disappointed you.”
“Topolino…” Tennant shakes his head. “Not even death will take you from my clutches. Recognizing you did wrong doesn’t upset me. I don’t give a shit if you’re not a Second. What I care about is you. Your fierce determination. Now you know to channel it differently. If anything, I should have seen this. We are meant to lean on each other. We both failed.”
Guilt tugs at me harder, surrounding me, choking me. “You weren’t meant to see that I was drowning. I…I didn’t want to be a failure. I had already failed Ignacio, I couldn’t fail you, too. Not when you own my entire heart and soul.”
“Il mio amore per te non dipende dal tuo successo. Non è egoistico. Non mi perderai mai a causa del fallimento.”
He brushes a kiss against my lips, tasting the salty tears that linger there. I have no idea what he just said, but I treasure the look in his eyes, the slight softening only his lovers get to see. And for once, I feel peace knowing I’m not his only love. Because fuck if I could be everything he needs—hell, I can’t even be what Lio needs. Or myself.
“I love you,” I choke out, throwing my arms around him as I ignore the wince of pain.
I can’t make out whatever he murmurs, but eventually, I let my arms fall. He touches my cheek and guides me into a better sleeping position. I’m not even upset when he doesn’t say thethree words back to me. He shows me it more than most say them.
“Get some rest, Topolino. The rest will be here when you’re ready.”
“But what about Lio?” I ask urgently, still wishing I could be with my friend.
Tennant’s lips press into a thin line as his brows lower. I shiver against the commanding look, but refuse to back down. With a heavy groan, he sets his hand on me again, forcing me to stay still.
“He’s still not allowed visitors. I promise to let you know when he can have them. For now, sleep, Topolino. I can tell you’re tired.”
He’s right. Just because I slept with the sedatives, it means shit. It wasn’t restful in the least.
