“Try to rest,” Marcus implores me, and I snort. “Yeah, I know. You’re just going to worry. But remember, if you’re going to help, you need to be healed.”
“Thank you, Marcus. For being War, for being my counsel. And thank you for loving your Brothers.”
“You did teach us that family is what you make of it.” He gives me a sad smile before he walks away, his shoulders tense, and I hate that I’ve put more on him. But in this case, I’m doing it for the right reason.
I may not be able to claim Emilio anymore, but he’s still the other half of me. The only good part of my life—of my soul. If he needs me, then I’ll be there. I’ll claw my way back to the surface and fight both of our demons to keep him safe. All I need is a chance. I don’t deserve one, but fuck know I would never screw it up. Nothing is more important than him…
I’ve been stripped of my power. Of my persona. My emotions have been broken down to the very basics. But one thing remains. One thing will always remain. There is no me without him. And fuck if I’ll let anyone take that—not even the hell that chases him is strong enough to cleave us apart for long.
Istroke Antonio’s hair, watching the way his body trembles at my touch, wishing there was something I could do to take his demons and tension away.
It's been hours now since being sent away by Doc after waiting for news on Lio. Hours of my love, my Bel Fiore, breaking right in front of me.
From pacing back and forth so many times that I’m surprised there’s not a hole in the rug, to being put on his knees, then spanked and cared for, to putting us all to bed…Antonio has only relaxed in fractions the whole night.
During his spanking, he released some of his pent-up tears and endorphins, and throughout the aftercare the twins and I provided, he was quiet and tense once everything was over with, even if it helped settle him a little. It wasn’t until he fell asleepin my arms that he actually relaxed, his tension easing. Now though, after a few hours of restless sleep, he's back on his knees.
I was hoping spending time doing nothing but being good for me would help. I don't want to go straight for impact play again just yet. I will, if he proves he needs it, but I don't want him to hide in the pain. There's a difference between being masochistic and needing a level of pain to help draw out the stress, and another to use it to hide the real issues.
I don't want us to fall into a dangerous pattern with no escape. Not when we've shown—each other and his Brothers—a healthier lifestyle than what they had before.
Not that I entirely fault Allesandro for what he showed them. Pain, pleasure…they're incredibly handy tools to have. Effective in stripping someone down to the core of themselves and giving them the reprieve they need. What I don't agree with is his methods.
As far as I can tell, he never hurt them in the moment, and that has been something I've been watching for every time I've been with Antonio. So far, there hasn't been a hint of past trauma due to a scene or playtime, which allows me to breathe easier.
No, my problem with Allesandro is him demanding their submission. Kink and non-kink related, beingIl Padronemeant he had a responsibility to his Boys. And Antonio’s reactions to care, how vulnerable he is when asking for what he needs…that tells me there were enough times he didn't get it that he's now prepared for my rejection.Fuckthat.
My Bel Fiore deserved better. He deserved to know he was always a priority. Always important. I might have other lovers, but he willneverbe shut out, or left to feel alone and unloved.
If he needs to sleep cuddled in my arms from now on, then that's what we'll do. My other loves will understand. Especiallywhen they're most likely bringing their own lovers to our bed.Fucking hell, we really do need that “orgy” bed.
Stroking my fingers down Antonio’s neck as he leans against me, I massage the tense muscles there as best I can.
I don't want to leave him down there for long, but my options are slowly running out.
“Antonio has a very difficult history with these types of matters.”Fuck, Keegan's words from earlier come back to haunt me as I consider my options.
My heart aches for my Bel Fiore and whatever pain still lies in his past. I won't ask, not because I don't care, but there's some things too painful to speak about. So long as I keep a careful eye, and don't see anything concerning that may threaten to take my Boy away from me, I won't push for answers he may not be ready to give.
“He needs to get out of his head for a while.”The issue is figuring out what he needs without damaging him. I can’t continue to push him physically, no matter how much he may want me to. The consequences of giving him a high that lasts only as long as the chemicals in his brain are released… It’s not a risk I want to take, not when it’d make me a hypocrite for judging Allesandro’s past actions.
“He needs to get out of his head for a while.”There was a look in Keegan's eyes, an expectant weight to his words that eludes me. Tone isn't always easy to decipher in people's voices, especially when it’s nuanced.
But it was as if he was silently giving me a nudge in the right direction without outright saying it. I can respect my fellow Dom and his reluctance to butt in when he wasn't asked.
What he means though… I should have asked more questions, or for ideas. Because while I'm confident in my skills as a Dom, I'm running through my bag of tricks and coming up empty.
Antonio tries to cuddle closer and I urge him up silently, worried about his poor knees. He tries to resist, but I get both my hands under his arms and scoop him into my lap, holding him tightly.
“I got you, Bello,” I whisper. “I got you.”
He shakes in my hold, letting out a whimper.
“Shhh.” I run my hand up and down his back.
My thoughts spin as I think of things I've tried and what I haven't, holding my Boy as close as possible.
Going over his reactions to things…the punishments, the impact play, the way he seeks my touch and comfort…fucking hell.It's not that simple, is it? Though…there's nothingsimpleabout the path I'm currently considering going down. It's not something I ever considered. But…it makes sense with what I know about Antonio as a submissive.
