His thumbs hooked in the waistband of his underwear, and I propped myself on my elbows to admire the swell of his ass better as he finished undressing.
If those gods Kali believed to be the stars in the night sky existed, they had done a fine job sculpting the man. Shoulders to calves, he was all rounded firmness calling for your touch. Pectorals to glutes, his limbs were driven by instincts of a fighter. Eyes to tongue, he had the mind of a commander but the mouth of a sinner.
Delectable.
Wallowing in his looks, I tracked him as he climbed onto the bed beside me, the mattress sinking and rising from his weight.
“What are you thinking about?” Resting his head on his palm, he matched my position, a mirror image of me.
With him so close, he radiated heat, and I threw my leg over his, my heel grazing up his calf, the tangible proof he was actually here.
One minute, it seemed this was the new normal, but the next…it resembled a dream. A hallucination about to transform into a nightmare.
That sense of implausibility nudged me to admit, “You.”
My confession made his lip corners tilt up, the left one doing so first, then the right one joining its brother. “Thank you for sticking to my side all this time.”
I traced a prominent vein on the back of his hand resting on the sheets between us. The labyrinth of tubes directing his life essence resembled the tangle my thoughts had become.
But that jumble had formed around a single conclusion: I’d fallen for him.
A long, long time ago.
Circling his knuckle, I grumbled, “It wasn’t like I had a choice.”
His wide smile, as rare as freezing winter nights, thawed me. Liquefied me. Drained the lingering tension in my limbs. Stole control of them.
“I’m glad you didn’t.” Gedeon flipped his hand on top of mine, and before I could react, laced his fingers with mine. “I would have killed anyone who dared to take you from me.”
His statement burrowed into the organ pumping my blood, increasing the frequency of its beats, and I rested my head on the flattest pillow ever. I couldn’t pinpoint a specific memory and say,This is when everything changed, but it had. Sometime, somewhere, somehow, I’d begun to care for him more than I did for others.
So I’d played my games with him. Taunted him. Goaded him.
But not once had I celebrated a victory. So now, laying on the bed with him at my side felt like something my imagination had conjured up to torment me.
Maybe these were the side effects of some kind of new drug Ilasall had developed, and I would awaken in their windowless cell tomorrow. Perhaps my life after Gedeon had dragged me off my sister’s corpse and out of Ilasall had been a fantasy. Maybe the reality was different: the city’s military had captured me, locked me in their prison, and was dosing me with each meal so I continued to drown in my own delusions.
“Would you?” Freeing my hand from his, I brushed a line running across his palm. “Would you actually kill for me?”
“I would give anything to be able to rewind time, Zion. To go back and follow you one of those times you threw an invitation over your shoulder.” Gedeon cupped my cheek, the caress so warm, I closed my eyes to savor the sensation. “So to answer your question—yes. I will end anyone who so much as looks wrongly at you. I don’t care if they are our friends.” His voice thickened. “I’m sorry I ignored you for so long.”
I covered his palm with my own, wishing they could fuse and become one. “It’s okay.”
“No.” The harsh edge in his tone was as sharp as my knife. “Let me say this.” His thumb skimmed my lips, and the contactleached my strength. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I was too blind to see it was not the answer to my fears. If there is one thing I regret, it’s my foolishness, my refusal to see the truth—that you mean everything to me.” He shuffled even closer. “Guilt is driving me insane. I can’t think straight.” His throat bobbed on an audible swallow. “But I’m not asking for forgiveness. I know it’s not something given but earned, so I promise you this: this is not a joke to me. I hope it’s not for you, either, because I want to spend the rest of my days with you, like this, in bed, falling asleep and waking up—together.”
His admission squeezed my ribs. I wasn’t the type of person who looked to the future. But the fantasy he’d painted…
I wanted it. And everything else I might get. Like a fly after breadcrumbs, I knew I would follow him to the end.
48
ZION
Icouldn’t deny there wasn’t a reason why I hadn’t questioned Gedeon’s decisions, why I’d protected him at all costs, why I hadn’t run away. Conall or Damia would’ve welcomed me with open arms, but something would stop me any time the notion of relocating sprang up in my mind.
So throughout the years, I’d absorbed Gedeon’s grunts he considered proper responses and used them as fuel to get through my days. I’d collected his smiles so scarce they’d permanently etched themselves into my memory. I’d made my peace with the fact that I could feel him against me only during the sessions in our training rings, the chalk-drawn circle the sole place rules didn’t exist in.
So as we lay in a bed in Conall’s compound, hearing Gedeon speak so openly, having him map out my facial features, lightly tracing from my temple to my chin, it transformed my bones to stone. Unease murmured to me that he would withdraw if I so much as twitched.
