“I’ve told you,” I whisper. “What would make me happy is you communicating with me. Asking me for permission before you make life-changing decisions on my behalf.”
“You needed a push,” he says, and I think he’s trying to convince himself more than me.
“I needed a partner,” I correct.
He looks back and forth between my eyes, searching. “I can be that for you,” he finally says.
“Yeah?” I ask. “What else are you hiding from me?”
His wince is microscopic, but I catch it anyway.
“For fuck’s sake,” I cry. “I need you to leave.”
I’m having déjà vu after having to repeat that same phrase over and over again today.
Ben stands and I follow, kicking my shoes off so they don’t trip me again.
“At least let me help clean up,” he says, looking down at the mess.
“No,” I reply, pointing toward the door.
He’s resigned when he says, “I’ll check on you tomorrow.”
“For once in your life, listen to me. I. Need. Space. Please respect that.”
Ben, the man that is perpetually happy, doesn’t have a smile line in sight. His hand brushes against mine and my palm aches. When we reach the door, Ben’s eyes are red rimmed. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I know. But you did.” His pinky loops into mine and he raises my hand, planting a quick kiss on my empty ring finger. “Shit. I should—let me go get your ring.”
I pull my hand away from his but he only grasps me tighter. “No,” he replies, a command and a plea. “No, if you—” His voice cracks and my last thread of control snaps.
“Okay, I won’t. I’ll keep it,” I quickly reassure.
He clears his throat. “I’ll give you space. But please don’t forget about me.”
“Impossible.”
His smile is devastation incarnate. He wraps his free hand around my head, pulling me in to plant a kiss on my forehead.
“Goodbye, Ben.”
“See you soon, Red,” he replies.
And it sounds a whole lot like a promise.
“Thanks for stopping by. I could really use a completely objective third party.”
Sahara has her feet curled under her as she works on the jigsaw puzzle that I finally picked up off the rug earlier today.
It’s been a week since my father lost his mind and tried to… I don’t know? Form a relationship with me? And since I found out about Ben… Time and distance really are a helpful tool. But as I’ve continued to parse through my feelings when it comes to him, I end up just as mixed up as I was when he left my apartment with the promise to see me again soon.
I will hand it to him though. He listened to my desire for space. Ben hasn’t stopped by, he hasn’t texted, he hasn’t presented any more over-the-top jewels to me. I really hope he hasn’t bought a house. But I wouldn’t know even if he did, because he’s respected me. Respected my space.
I hate it.
Sahara finishes placing the edge pieces, giving me a nod. “Of course. Let me just clarify what’s going on really quick. You and Ben are kind of engaged—we went over that last time, though it’s still confusing as hell—and now you just found out that he is funding your entire tuition. And you are upset because he hid that from you. Is that the jist?”
“Yeah.” I sigh, flopping back onto my couch.
