Perfect.
Thea is already in a booth when I walk into Louie’s the next night. Her baby bump has grown since the last time I saw her.Obviously, Colette. That’s how it works!My palms are a bit sweaty as I make my way toward the table. Thea spots me and waves me over.
She moves to get up but I stop her. “No, no. Don’t get up for me.”
She smiles warmly at me, rubbing her belly absentmindedly. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” she sighs. “Everything looks good with the baby, and I’m not huge yet so it’s pretty much smooth sailing right now.”
“That’s good. I know nothing about pregnancy. You’re the first pregnant person I’ve ever spent much time around,” I admit.
“Really? No other friends having babies yet?”
I wince because she accidentally hit a nerve. Trying to school my features, I reply, “I don’t have a ton of friends. None, actually.”
Her lips tilt up in a sad smile, and my stomach drops. I don’t want pity. I’ve never wanted pity. The thought of her feeling sorry for me almost propels me out of my seat and straight back home. She surprises me though when she says, “Me either.Unless you count Chloe.” Thea lifts one shoulder in a resigned shrug.
Relief crashes over me. “Oh my God, that’s so great.” Her face twists, and I play what I just said back in my head.Shit. “Not like that! Sorry. It’s not great that you don’t have friends. It’s just… really nice to find someone else who has had a similar experience.”
“Yeah, I get that,” she sighs. “My mom died when I was young so I never really saw a good example of female friendships. I was close with my cousins growing up—still am—but I was so focused on ballet for most of my youth that I didn’t have time to cultivate friendships.”
I nod, because in a way we have a lot in common. “Both of my parents are still alive but I don’t talk with them often. After they divorced, I think my mom saw an opportunity to ‘re-do’ her early twenties. I moved here with my dad in middle school, but he retired to Florida a few years back.”
“That would be hard.” Thea’s tone is sympathetic. “I can’t imagine not having my dad around to help with Chloe.”
“I don’t think either of them ever wanted to be parents. They haven’t said outright but I think I was a failed attempt to save the marriage.” I pause, considering how much I want to divulge. “It’s part of the reason I don’t want kids of my own.”
Most people try to talk you into having kids when you admit you don’t want them. I especially expected that from Thea, who is on the way to having two kids of her own. Yet, Thea continues to surprise me. “That makes a lot of sense,” she simply states. “People need to listen to their gut when it comes to a lot of things, but especially whether or not they want to have kids.”
My mind flashes to Ben… to his flippant admission to having a vasectomy. Then again to the ring that is hidden in my underwear drawer. For the first time, I start to visualize what a life with Ben could look like. Start to unpack the box I’ve put himin, questioning whether or not he actually fits the idea of him I’ve had in my mind all these years.
“Earth to Cole.” Thea waves her hand in front of my face, interrupting my thought spiral. When I refocus on her, I can see the worry lining her features. “I thought I lost you there for a minute. Did I offend you with my comment about having kids?”
“Not at all,” I reply. “It is refreshing to not have someone try to convince me that ‘kids are a gift’ and ‘what if I change my mind,’ yada yada.”
Louie brings over an order of fried pickles and a plain burger for me. “It’s on the house ladies, so make sure you order dessert.” He winks.
“On the house?” I ask.
“Jules?” Thea guesses.
“Close,” Louie replies, looking pointedly at me. Then he turns around and walks away, not ever giving us an answer.
Thea pops a pickle in her mouth and then leans forward on the table. “So… Ben is buying our dinner? That’s what Louie was implying, right?”
I take a page out of Louie’s book and also avoid answering that question. “How are things with you and Jules?”
Thea raises a single eyebrow. “I’ll allow you to redirect for now, but if we’re going to be friends, I expect you to come back to that at some point.” When I nod, she continues. “Jules and I are… complicated. Actually, Jules is perfect. I’m the complicated one.”
“Felt,” I reply.
“My ex—Chloe’s dad—was a complete asshole. Something I probably need to dive deeper into in therapy. And I feel bad that Jules is dealing with the fallout of that, in a way. But he’s so patient, so kind to me.”
“And the sex?” I ask, pumping my eyebrows a few times.
Thea slams her palms down on the table, sending a pickle flying. “Don’t even get me started on the sex.” She winks.
Laughing at her dramatics, I reply, “Good for you, Thea.”
