He leans back and tosses a promotional stress baseball up into the air and catches it. “She watches out for me. She doesn’t trust me like she trusts you.”
“It’s easy to trust someone who never steps out of line,” I say pointedly.
“Yeah,” he says, nodding and throwing the ball up again. “But did you ever think maybe it’s easier to stay in line when you know everyone believes you can?”
“More like they expect you to and ignore you when you don’t.” I shake my head. “I had a rebellious phase, Jake. No one cared.”
“Nah, they just trusted you enough to know you’d figure it out.”
“I wish they’d cared enough to come get me.”
Neither of us says anything for a moment.
That’s new. Jake and I have spent twenty years filling silences with jokes or arguments or damage control. Just sitting in silence together right now feels strange. Like a truce.
“I mean it,” I say, not sure why I’m still talking. But Jake’s just here.Listening.“I think I’ve spent my whole life being useful so no one ever had to worry about where I was.” I laugh, which is absurd, because nothing about this is funny. “I just... let it happen. Signed off on being an afterthought like it made me noble. Made sure to never ask for anything.”
The words are out now, and the fan in the corner is just blowing them around, scattering them until it’s impossible for me to get them back.
Jake looks at me with an expression in his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“Scot,” he says.
“Yeah?”
“You’re asking for something right now.” He tips his chin at me. “You know that, right?”
I stare at him. He’s not wrong, and I hate that he’s the one who spotted it.
“Maybe,” I say.
“Yes,” he says. “That’s a good thing.”
I give him a half smile, and then my phone buzzes. Rotation alert.
“All right, Boyfriend,” I say, standing and straightening my pants. “Hop to it. We’re on in five.”
Jake gets up and rolls back his shoulders, the chip resettling into place. He catches my eyes with a nod. “Thanks, Scot.”
I manage a half smile, because this is the Jake no one but my family knows: the guy whose scars can be covered but not healed. Not yet, anyway. But he’s also the guy who sees more than anyone would guess. As much as he drives me crazy, I love him like family.
Which is why kissing him is so gross.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say. “Don’t get all mushy on me. And can you try not to kiss like a squid when we go out there?”
“You’re one to talk,” he says, pushing my arm. “I can’t imagine what TikTok Kid sees in you.”
At the tent flap, I peek out at the crowd.
Lucas isn’t there. He’s at his next rotation, doing exactly what I asked him to do.
And I let myself want him anyway. Not the wanting I usually swat away with a list of reasons. Just a yearning, plain and simple, that’s taken root in my chest and is growing bigger than I ever thought possible.
I don’t know what to do with that yet. But I don’t ignore it, either.
As Jake grabs my hand and pulls me out of the tent, I decide that counts for something.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
