“Jordan,” he murmurs, and it’s my name again—anchor, warning, invitation.
My voice comes out small. “I don’t want you to… I don’t want you to choose me over Kaijen.”
Lonari’s thumb strokes once along my cheekbone. “I’m not choosing you over Kaijen.”
I blink.
“I’m choosing autonomy,” he says. “And you’re part of that fight now. Whether you like it or not.”
I swallow. My body is exhausted in a way that feels cellular. My mind is a mess of images—dust, blood, Morazin’s tooth cracking, Venn’s name in a comm.
“I don’t know how to carry it,” I whisper.
Lonari leans in until his forehead rests against mine—gentle, impossibly gentle for a man built like violence.
“You don’t carry it alone,” he says.
And something in me breaks—not loudly. Not dramatically. Just… enough.
A shaky breath escapes me. My hands lift, hesitant, and touch his wrists. Not pushing away.
Holding.
Lonari pauses, eyes searching mine, waiting for consent in the way he always does when he’s not pretending he’s invincible.
“Tell me to stop,” he says, voice low.
I swallow. “Don’t.”
His exhale is ragged. Then he kisses me.
Not rushed.
Not claiming.
Just… present.
Like he’s reminding my body it exists outside of war rooms and evidence chains.
My hands slide up into his hair/ridges, fingers curling, grounding myself in the texture of him. He tastes like smoke and clean water and something dangerous held carefully in check.
I make a sound—soft, involuntary—and Lonari deepens the kiss in response, his other hand bracing at my waist as if he’s holding me upright while my internal scaffolding collapses.
I pull back just enough to breathe, forehead still pressed to his.
“This isn’t—” I start, voice trembling. “This isn’t escape.”
Lonari’s mouth brushes mine again, a whisper of contact. “No.”
“It’s grounding,” I say, surprising myself.
“Yes,” he murmurs. “Exactly.”
I laugh weakly, tears finally slipping free despite my best efforts. “God, I’m a mess.”
Lonari’s thumb catches a tear and wipes it away with infuriating tenderness. “You’re alive.”
My chest tightens. “People aren’t.”
