He’s sorry because it’s over between us.Will can’t blame him since no relationship is worth someone’s freedom,but he can’t help but wish for Owen to have been smarter and less trusting.
“You can’t go to prison, Owen.”
“Do you think he’ll really do that?”
Will nods. “I do.”
“But why? You wouldn’t be with him if I were out of the picture, right?”
Will snorts. The mere thought is preposterous, and Nate would have known that if he weren’t so messed up. “No, I won’t be with him. Ever.”
“But did you and him really have that arrangement?”
Now it’s Will who looks away, unable to face the wariness in Owen’s eyes. Whether or not their relationship survives this night, Will doesn’t want Owen to carry horrible thoughts about him.But maybe that would be for the best. Owen could feel as though he dodged a bullet.
“I won’t judge you,” Owen says quietly.
Don’t make empty promises.“I think he drugged me one night,” Will ends up saying. “I thought I drank too much, but now I think he must have slipped something into my drink. I stumbled home, and he was right behind me. We found ourselves here, and I was so… I was out of it, just sitting on the couch like a zombie. He started touching me, and I knew I couldn’t kick him out in my condition, so I let him go on so he could have his fun and leave. Then he said something about Joel, and I pushed him back. He hit me, and since I couldn’t hit him back, I took the pain. And…” Will takes a sharp breath. He now wishes to say these words for his own sake, because his beat-up soul deserves it. “I liked it. Not the pain itself, but how it made me feel less guilty, like I was being redeemed through my suffering.”
“But what Joel did to himself wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe, but I carry part of the blame. He needed someone stronger, Owen. Joel needed someone who would break up with him the minute he became too crazy and too cruel. I tried so hard to be the good guy that I ended up turning into the villain. You can’t condone madness and hope for it to pass. It spreads and takes over until there’s nothing left from the man you used to know. So yes, I feel guilty—have been for years—but when Nate hit me… I felt better. That was the start of our arrangement. It didn’t last long, and it might have made me feel less guilty temporarily, but it also made me feel… filthy.”
Owen holds Will’s hand. “There’s nothing filthy about you.”
Will brings Owen’s cold hand to his lips. “I stopped feeling like I needed Nate’s violence, and yes, you had a part in that. I told Nate that it was over and hoped that would be the end of it.” He exhales. “It seems I gave him too much credit.”
They remain quiet for a long time, still holding hands, but there’s distance between them that wasn’t there before. Will feels it in the air; in the way they don’t meet each other’s eyes. They can sit here and talkabout how horrible Nate is as much as they want, but it doesn’t change the fact that Owen’s freedom is now in that man’s hands.
“I can’t let you go to prison, Owen. We both know that isn’t a risk we’re willing to take.”
Owen shuts his eyes and shakes his head. “I can’t believe I let him fool me like that. I’m so sorry, Will.”
“I know.” He kisses the side of Owen’s head. “I know you do. And I can’t believe your aunt would agree to you going undercover.”
“Agree? She doesn’t know about that. She’d kill me.”
Will lets Owen’s words sink in.This changes things.“She doesn’t know that Nate took you on those undercover jobs?”
“No.”
“Owen, if she finds out about that, or about Nate blackmailing you—”
“Then she’ll know I took drugs.”
“Oh yeah, she’s gonna let you have it, but onlyaftershe gets her hands on Nate.” Will has experienced firsthand what she’s capable of doing to those she thinks did her close ones harm.
If they could just use it to their advantage…
Will opens his mouth, then stops to reconsider his words. He can’t give Owen false hope, but there is a plan forming in his head. “Let me see what I can do,” he finally says. “No promises, but please trust me.”
“Of course I trust you. And thank you for not kickingme out.” He looks at the table at the center of the room. The burning candle is halfway gone. “You did this for me?”
“Yes. The pie should be ready soon. My mom’s old recipe.”
Owen leans down with his forehead against Will’s chest. “This is the worst night to fuck everything up.”
“There’s never a great time for that. Are you hungry?”
