Will looks down at his feet. He wishes to be done with this conversation, to tell Owen to fuck off, then go into his house and forget he ever met this man. He owes no explanation to anyone in this town, and it’s not like he could ever make them change their minds. He just hoped it wouldn’t be the same with Owen.
He opens his mouth to ask Owen to leave, but the words refuse to come. The way Owen looks at him tightens his throat. There’s deep sadness in those blue eyes, an urgent plea for Will to fight for this, to state his case.
He’s so used to people not being willing to hear histruth, he’s forgotten that telling it was even an option. He wets his lips and asks, “Can we drive somewhere? I don’t want to talk about it here.”
Owen nods. “Where to?”
Will remembers Tracy Chapman’s words:Any place is better… starting from zero got nothing to lose.“There’s a spot I like out of town. Do you have a jacket?”
“No. Should I go home to get one?”
“I’ll give you one of mine.” He walks past Owen, feeling an instinct to kiss him, but he holds back. Whatever has started between them is now on hold, and it’s up to Owen to decide if he wishes to continue once Will has had his say.
*
The silence between them is tense, but Will can’t bring himself to speak or ask Owen who was the one who told him about Joel. It could be Sheryl, the sheriff, Nate, or a random person in town.
Will’s past has always been a ticking bomb on the verge of exploding, and now he has no other choice but to deal with the aftermath. No, that’s not true. Hedoeshave a choice, and he chooses to fight for the man who sits quietly beside him, his head filled with horrible thoughts.
They reach the part of Current River Will likes the most, where a lush meadow stretches by the riverbank.The grass is soft, and the water’s flow provides a calming background noise. He found that spot years ago with Joel, and it feels fitting to talk about him at this same spot.
Will parks his truck, and they step outside. Owen is wearing one of Will’s jackets, which is too big for him.
“Do I look funny in this?” Owen asks.
“A bit, but it’s meant to keep you warm.”
“I’m warm. It smells like you.”
“Is that a good thing?”
Owen nods. “It is.”
Glad that they can still communicate, Will takes a blanket from his truck and spreads it close to the water. Out here, there’s no trace of the road, making it feel like they’re the only people in the world.
Owen puts his backpack on the ground and lies down on his back. “It’s so pretty here.”
Will lies down as well, close but not too close. With the moment of truth looming, his palms begin to itch. He doesn’t feel as brave as he did earlier. To open up to Owen will mean digging into parts of his soul he’s gotten used to hiding.
“What were you told, Owen?” He almost doesn’t want to know, but it will help to understand the depth of the chasm between them.
“It doesn’t feel right saying it out loud.”
“Okay, then let me say what I assume you’ve been told by…?”
“Nate.”
Oh, God.
Will rubs his face. It’s worse than he feared and also makes him worried about what it means for Nate’s obsession with him. He dared to hope that the man was getting over what had happened between them, but that isn’t the case if he spoke with Owen yesterday.
“You know that Joel was my boyfriend, and you likely know that he was struggling with mental problems.”
“I do.”
“And you were told I took advantage of him, that I didn’t help him because I enjoyed hurting him during sex until he couldn’t take it anymore and killed himself.”
Owen takes a deep breath. “Killed himself in your house, yes.”
