He tries not to panic as he walks on the cracked path toward the front door of a drug den. He’s surprised to find the house well-organized and clean. The living-room table is covered with many small bags. He doesn’t even want to think of how much money is technically spread on this table, or how many years in prison.
“Sit,” Joe says.
The couch is too soft, feeling like it swallows him. He rubs his itching palms over his knees, knowing it might come across as nervousness, but he can’t help it. He is nervous.
The large man sits on a nearby couch. “I’m Carlos.”
Owen is surprised there’s barely no accent when he speaks in English. “I’m Owen.”
“Big City Owen,” Joe says. “He taught me the trick.”
Carlos rolls his eyes. “You’re looking for coke?”
“Um, yeah, I guess.”
“Try it out, and then we can talk about the price. I’ll be fair.”
Joe sits next to Owen, both of them sinking deeperinto the couch.
I can’t take this shit. He took an oath when he was in rehab. It was a whole thing. Hiscounselorswere there, and so were some of the other patients. They all seemed so proud of him, but he was even more proud of himself.
He takes a deep breath to stop himself from crying. “I’ll just buy the coke. Give me whatever you can for two hundred.”
Carlos shakes his head. “The pigs can put me and my brother inside for a long time for selling this. If I’m selling it to a stranger, I need to know he’s legit.”
Owen’s only hope is for Joe to step in, but he says, “Sorry, man, but we can’t take risks. We’ll take it together.”
And if I refuse?He’s too afraid to find out.
He makes a mental apology to himself and to the people who helped him get clean. “Let’s do this.”
*
He doesn’t know how long he has spent on that couch. The shitty songs on the stereo system must have changed more than ten times. The first line he inhaled into his nostril was horrible. His body broke into a cold sweat, and even Joe seemed worried.
“Didn’t you say you took it before?”
He did, but it was way over a year ago. By the time his heart stops pumping like an old engine, they offer himanother line. He inhales it, then two more. The three of them speak about nothing important, and Owen relaxes enough to enjoy the conversation.
Other people come over to buy drugs, and more conversations start. Some of the buyers look weak and desperate, making Owen feel bad, but the rest are just like him. Normal people who wish to unwind when life becomes too much.
By the time he feels more like himself, he remembers Nate.Shit.He glances at his watch, not sure when he left him in the car. It must have been almost three hours ago. Owen needs to get back. He has a shift at the library. He hopes he’ll be okay to do his job, because the thought of losing it…
He shakes his head, remembering how easy it is to switch from happiness to panic when you’re under the influence of drugs. “I need to go.”
Carlos nods. “Two hundred, you say?”
“Yeah.”
“Joe, give it to him. Be generous.”
Joe taps Owen’s shoulder. “You’ll come see us again, right? Even Carlos likes you.”
“Sure.”
The second he has the drugs, he walks back toward where he left Nate. The colors around him seem brighter, and his brain feels like it’s floating in his skull. He can’t find Nate’s car. He walks farther ahead, nervous he’s going to get stuck here. There must be some sort oftransportation to Van Buren, but he doesn’t see any bus stations or anyone to ask for directions. Even worse, he didn’t take his wallet with him, and he’s unlikely to pay for a ride with the cocaine he has in his pocket.
His heart begins to drum. He rubs his face, angry at himself for agreeing to this plan. He jolts and turns around at the sudden sound of a horn.
