I exhaled through my nose, slow, controlled. “It was strange,” I admitted.
“Strange how?”
I stared down at my hands, the wedding ring that wasn’t there anymore. The absence still felt like something my skin had to learn.
“He was there,” I said quietly.
I didn’t say his name. Sometimes saying it out loud felt like inviting him back into places I had only just begun to reclaim.
Dr. Bonnie watched me carefully. “And what did you feel?”
“I didn’t... panic,” I said, and the words sounded unfamiliar even to me.
Dr. Bonnie didn’t react, but I saw the slight shift in her expression, like she understood exactly why that mattered.
“You didn’t panic,” she repeated.
I nodded again. My throat tightened.
“And that scares you,” she said gently.
My eyes lifted to hers, startled. Because she was right. Too right.
“Yes,” I whispered.
Dr. Bonnie leaned forward slightly. “Can you tell me why that scares you?”
I swallowed.
I could still see it in my head—the daycare field filled with parents and children, the sound of laughter, the smell of cheap snacks and grass under the sun. I could still hear Haille’s voice, the way she screamed,“Hi, Mommy! Hi, Daddy!”like she was announcing something sacred.
I could still feel the moment Adrian’s arm brushed mine.
It hadn’t set my body on fire the way it used to.
It hadn’t made my skin crawl either.
It had just... happened.
And that was what terrified me.
“Because for years,” I said slowly, “whenever he was near me, my body reacted as if I were under threat.”
My fingers curled in my lap, nails pressing faintly into skin. “I would feel it before I even thought it,” I continued. “My chest would tighten. My stomach would drop. My mind would start preparing—like something bad was about to happen, even if nothing was happening.”
I paused. “But yesterday...” my voice softened. “Yesterday I stood next to him and nothing screamed.”
I looked down again, voice quieter, almost raw. “It felt... normal.”
Dr. Bonnie’s voice came gently. “That’s a big shift, Elena.”
“I know.” My breath trembled slightly. “And it’s supposed to be a good thing.”
“But it doesn’t feel like a good thing,” she said.
I shook my head once, sharp. “It feels like danger,” I whispered. “Because if I can stand next to him like that... if I can look at him and not feel my body fighting...”
A lump formed in my throat.
