I hold aside a branch for her, thinking about my answer. "Olive is a chaos demon, but she's always been so fucking smart," Imurmur. "I knew our mom couldn't afford to pay to send two of us to school, so I wanted to make sure that she'd be able to help cover Olive's tuition when the time came."
"You joined for Olive?"
"Yeah." My lips quirk into a grin. "She didn't speak to me the whole first year. She was so pissed."
"She wasn't mad," Sarah whispers. "She was scared of losing you."
I hear the tremble in her voice even though she tries to hide it, and steal a glance at her. She's staring straight ahead, like she can hide her own anxiety by not meeting my gaze. It doesn't really work that way, though. Not anymore. Not since she told me about her family.
I understand her now, in a way I never did before—her fears, the things she never says, what makes her tick. She's been afraid of losing me, too. For years, she carried that. Every goddamn time I was shipped out, every time I went on a mission, every time I wasn't here, she waited, and she worried.
I want to spank her for not ever telling me—for choosing to carry so much in secret. I just want to scoop her up and hold her, too.
Had I known…hell, I don't know what I would have done differently. It's not like I even knew she existed when I joined up. I didn't even know she existed when I reupped last time. But I could have made the last three years easier for her had I known about her family. I would have made sure she heard from me every day, just so she knew I was still breathing.
Had I known that she was afraid for me—genuinely afraid—I would have moved heaven and earth to shield her. It's what I want to do now, just protect her from everything that scares her. I need her to know that her heart is safe with me, and that I'm not going to needlessly risk it.
I don't think I can fight that battle for her, though. It's going to drive me up the fucking wall when the time comes for her to decide if she wants this badly enough to face her fears and let herself fall into it fully. But that time is going to come. It's going to come sooner rather than later because I already know I can't live without her.
"Why'd you decide to stay in?" she asks.
I pause to drop a few dollars into the donation bin as we enter the grove. Aside from a young couple a few yards away, a photographer snapping photos, and a family with a kid in a stroller, the grove is mostly empty. At least of people.
Dozens of butterflies rest on flowers and flutter through the air, moving from one plant to the next. There are far fewer of them than there were last time I was here with Olive.
"I wasn't a great student, but I was good at taking orders and even better at giving them," I say, not lying to her. "It seemed like as good a career as any."
"I'm proud of you, you know." She peeks up at me again. "It takes a really special kind of person to dedicate their life to our country."
Jesus.
She stops walking and turns in a circle, her lips curving into a sweet smile. "It's so peaceful here," she whispers.
My cock stirs. She looks like a little nymph surrounded by nature and the butterflies.
"You look beautiful out here, baby girl." Her cheeks turn pink as I close the distance between us, pulling her into my arms.
She burrows into me with a soft sigh. "I'm glad you're home now, Jasper."
"Me too, baby girl." My lips brush her crown. "Me too."
She tilts her head back, looking up at me. "Want to know a secret?"
"Yes. Every single one you have." One day, she'll realize I mean that. I want to know every thought, no matter how fleeting. Every goddamn one fascinates me.
"I didn't want to go to college," she says. "But I didn't have anywhere else to go once I aged out. I had a full ride, so I knew at least I'd have somewhere to sleep until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life."
I groan, burying my face in her hair. The more I learn about her life, the more I hate the entire fucking world for failing her.
"I'm not sure if I stayed because I never figured it out, or if I stayed because of Olive," she mumbles. "And then she convinced me to move here with her." I feel her lips curve into a smile. "I'm glad I stayed, Jasper."
My heart is in my throat.
I tip her head back, slanting my lips down over hers. She gasps into my mouth, her hands tangling in my shirt like they always do, like she's trying to keep me right there. I fucking love that.
I kiss her breathless and then bite her bottom lip before backing away, breathing hard. "Let's go see your butterflies, baby girl."
She meets my gaze, her eyes dark, and I want to say fuck the butterflies. But I don't because they make her happy.
