‘I’m not too sad. I do want to be in a relationship with someone who gets me. And who I get, in return. James didn’t get me and I think I was guilty of not understanding him too much, either. The carousel of dates, sex, holidays was hiding the fact it wasn’t going too much deeper than that. We didn’t really know each other, and James was emotionally challenged.’
‘Emotionally challenged?’ I repeat, my gaze flicking inadvertently towards Sam, who is looking at something on Ben’s phone, the two of them sniggering together like schoolboys. Ben makes new friends very easily, I notice. On his other side is Ollie’s girlfriend, Romy, who is not how I imagined her at all. I only got a look side-on at dinner when Ollie finally moved back to introduce us.
‘It was superficial,’ Liv goes on. ‘We never got to anything meaty.’
‘Meaty?’ I ask, distracted by Sam, who looks as if he’s swapping numbers with Ben.Oh no, why are they doing that?I try to tune back into Liv.
‘I didn’t know what made him scared,’ Liv lists James’s downsides. ‘What made him happy, other than money, sex and holidays. Whether he saw us heading towards marriage, children … He just didn’t know. He didn’tknow. It was the kind of thing that should have come up in conversation and – when it didn’t and when I instigated it – James was blank about it all. And at our age, I’d have thought he’d havesomekind of idea. He was happy bubbling along and he’d have been like that for ever. I wasn’t. Maybe it’s me. Maybe men are only like this withme.Ollie was the same. I want more. I deserve more. And if I’m not getting it, I dump them. Liv’s rules.’
‘Did I hear my name?’ Ollie says, crouching down beside our two chairs.
‘You did, yes,’ Liv says. ‘We’re talking about why things didn’t work out between us.’
‘Because we were so young?’ Ollie volunteers.
‘No,’ Liv replies wearily. ‘Although that’s very idealistic of you. Do you think we’d work out if we tried again now?’ she dares, with an expression that says she knows otherwise.
‘Um …’ Ollie panics.
‘You walked right into that one,’ I point out.
He looks at me and smiles and my insides swoop. I watch Liv’s eyes slide between me and Ollie, and then we’re alldistracted by Sam’s uproarious laugh. He has a lovely laugh. Infectious.
‘He’s nice,’ Liv says.
‘Yeah,’ I agree. ‘He is.’ I feel strange saying anything about Sam while Ollie’s crouching there. But I’m not sure why, because I’m with Sam, and Ollie’s got a girlfriend.
‘How’s it going with Romy?’ I ask.
‘Fine,’ he replies.
‘That’s a juicy story,’ Liv deadpans. ‘Be careful not to divulge too much to us, won’t you?’
Ollie laughs. ‘What do you want to know?’
‘Do you behave better with her than you did with me?’
‘Ouch!’ I say.
‘Ouch indeed,’ Ollie replies. ‘I need to stand up – my legs are killing me like this.’
‘Not so fast, old man,’ Liv says, and Ollie stands up, stretches out and then crouches back down to us again.
‘I don’t know is the honest answer,’ Ollie continues. ‘I like Romy. We get on.’
‘You like me. We get on,’ Liv says. ‘You like Aurora too.’
I narrow my eyes at Liv. I think she’s had too much to drink.
‘OK,’ Ollie replies. ‘I get the point. What makes Romy different then?’ he asks himself. ‘She’s fun.’
‘So are we,’ Liv says immediately.
‘Fuck’s sake,’ I cut in. ‘Give the man a chance.’ I really want to hear this.
Ollie pauses, thinking. ‘We just fit,’ he says, and I hopeI’m the only one who heard my sharp intake of breath.They just fit.I’m not sure what I wanted to hear, but I don’t think it was that.
‘That’s nice,’ I comment insipidly. I have absolutely no right to be annoyed about this. I know that. But it doesn’t stop me being a bit pissy.
