‘Ollie,’ Liv snaps, ‘look at me. Look at the state of me. Look at where I am. Because of him. Ben lures you into his world, his life. He lured Aurora in. She’s realised and she’s gone. I’m going too. The culture of drinking. It nearly killed me. Twice.’
‘We don’t know if he was even drinking when he crashed.’
‘It doesn’t matter. If he did it when sober, does that make it better or worse? He’s still dangerous.’
I don’t have an answer to that.
‘I never used to drink much before uni,’ Liv continues. ‘And I’m not blaming Ben for me drowning that Christmas. I blame myself for that. I wasn’t as bad as Ben, but I almost was. I nearly died. And I learnednothingfrom that warning shot. How many warning shots do I need? I can’t be here any more. I can’t be near Ben. And I don’t want to be with you any more. I need to get out of that house.’
‘I understand,’ I reply. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ Liv says and we sit in silence for a few moments. She looks at me with a sad expression on her face. ‘Ollie?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Can you go and get some more painkillers for me now, please.’
I see Aury in the corridor as I exit. I feel exhausted from all of that and am so glad Aury’s here to talk to, but she starts first.
‘Ben didn’t want to talk to me,’ she says.
My eyebrows lift. That’s not what I expected her to say. ‘His blood results came back negative. He wasn’t drinking.And he must have seen the surprise on my face when I stood there waiting for the doctors to finish talking to him, and he looked so angry with me, presumably because I seemed so surprised, or maybe because I’d just broken up with him.’
‘His head must be in a strange place,’ I reply. ‘Given everything that’s happened to him over the past twenty-four hours. I would say give him time, but … there’s no need, is there?’
‘No. I’m here because I wanted Ben to be OK, but if he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’m going in to visit Liv and then I’ll go home.’
‘Swap over then, I guess? I’ll see Ben,’ I tell her.
‘After I’ve seen Liv, I’m going home,’ Aury continues. She steps forward and holds me in an embrace and I can’t help it, but I close my eyes. The warmth of her embrace makes me feel safe, at home, and as if the past couple of days never happened.
I watch Aury as she goes down the corridor and through the door to Liv’s ward. In a moment Liv will probably tell Aury she’s dumped me. Then later Aury will message me, asking if I’m OK. The strange thing is that even though my now ex-girlfriend and my best friend have been in a car crash, even though I’ve just been dumped, even though Aury has left the house and even though Liv is going too, I think IamOK.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Seven years ago
Aurora
I hold Liv tightly as we meet each other by Borough Market. ‘I can’t believe it’s been a year since we saw each other. How has it been so long?’
‘Life,’ Liv says with a warm smile, as people step round us. ‘Just … life. It’s been a crazy year.’ She looks at me fondly and I realise in that split second how much I’ve missed her – how much I’ve missed them all.
At first it felt like the best idea to keep a low profile with everyone, after that dreadful time. We were going in different directions, falling apart. Liv was following me out of the house; Ben was a wreck; and Ollie … good old Ollie was keeping a close eye on him.
I wanted the dust to settle, for everything to calm down; but I realise it’s been too long. Any longer and it would have been more than awkward. Ollie and I have messaged a bit here and there; but we haven’t met in person.
I didn’t want to hurt Ben by meeting up with Ollie and,after Liv broke up with him, putting Ollie back on the market, I knew that Ben’s health would unravel if he caught wind of Ollie and me seeing each other. It wasn’t worth it for anyone – especially Ollie, who would have to pick up the pieces by default, living with Ben.
I felt so cut off from Liv and from Ollie. So alone from my friends who were like family and then, suddenly, they weren’t. But I did it to myself. I moved back to my mum’s and kept my head down, worked as much as possible, ignored the fact that I had no social life, hardly any friends. Our lives went in such different directions. At least my career has improved, because it’s not like I had anything else to do.
Liv, meanwhile, has graduated and is smashing it. ‘I got a first,’ she tells me, with more than a hint of pride in her voice when we discuss how everyone’s getting on.
‘Congratulations. Iknewyou would. What now?’
‘I’m at a solicitor’s for now while I complete my additional training, and then maybe one day …’
‘Olivia Taylor, Barrister?’
