Yes. Just about. It was awful. So awful. He scared me.
I look up at Ben, who doesn’t notice, staring through the TV as if these scripted reality shows are everything.
Why did he scare you? Did he threaten you?Even as I type this, I can’t believe he’d do such a thing. But then Ben’s so erratic – who knows?
No. But I wondered if he was going to do something silly. To himself. He said he wouldn’t, but he suggested he would if I did something.
Did something? Like what?The suggestion that Ben might harm himself frightens me.
Ollie, you won’t believe me, but he thinks you and I are getting together.
I don’t reply for a moment. I glance at Ben again. He’s in the tatty armchair by the window and I’m grateful he can’t see my screen. Liv’s next to me, but paying me no attention, her gaze flicking from the TV to the magazine in her hand and back again periodically.
What? Why?
He listed a whole bunch of reasons that I tried to deflect, but he’s made me promise we won’t get together. He’s convinced we’re going to. Has he made you promise too?
I glance up at Ben again, checking that he’s still watchingTV and ignoring me. This time Ben’s gaze meets mine. I smile quickly, then look away.
No, he hasn’t. He hasn’t mentioned anything.
Can Ben tell?I wonder to myself.Can Ben tell how I feel about Aury? Can he see what I obviously haven’t been hiding very well?I feel exposed. I feel sick. And what’s even more strange is that Ben hasn’t said a single thing to me. He hasn’t warned me off Aury. He’s said nothing. I don’t know what to reply. I stare at my phone and see Aury go offline.
‘Who’s that?’ Liv asks.
I shake my head gently, silently, discreetly begging her not to ask more.
Ben glances over disinterestedly but, fucking hell, nothing gets past him and he must have seen as he says, pointedly, ‘Who are you texting?’
Subconsciously my hand goes protectively to my phone, although neither of them knows the code to get in – something that pisses off Liv no end. And I cannot imagine the row that would break out if one of them tried to grab it from me.
‘I’m texting my dad,’ I lie, but far too late and too unconvincingly.
Liv doesn’t believe me. Ben doesn’t believe me. They both bore holes into me with their eyes. I am no good at lying. And I’ve nothing to be ashamed about, so why didn’t I just say Aury’s name? Why didn’t I confess? Because it will be the argument to end all arguments. Ben will snap, Liv will snap. This house is already untenable. I can’t make it even worse.
‘We’ve run out of food,’ Ben says, apropos of nothing. My tension gently unwinds as the subject changes, although it is at startling speed. ‘Liv, you want to come food-shopping with me?’ He stands up with purpose.
‘You’re going now?’ I ask. ‘It’s late.’
‘Tesco’s open till eleven,’ Ben says dismissively, not even looking at me.
I notice I’m not being invited. The two of them are going to go and moan about me, while roaming the quiet supermarket aisles. I can feel it. It’s for the best. Let them get the stress out by complaining about me and Aury, without me being in earshot.
‘Yeah,’ Liv replies, throwing me a disappointed look. ‘Yeah, I’ll come. Let’s go.’
I watch them leave without a backward glance at me. And then, two hours later, the unthinkable happens.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Aury and I embrace each other in the hospital waiting room when she arrives. She throws her arms around me and holds me close, and I do the same.
‘Thank God you’re here,’ Aury says.
Her mum, Sasha, drove her here and gives me a sympathetic look. ‘Ollie, darling,’ Sasha says, embracing me after Aury moves away. Now that a proper adult is here, I feel ashamed to be back in a hospital waiting room yet again because of my girlfriend. Although none of this was Liv’s fault. None of it.
Ben and Liv have been involved in a crash and I’m waiting to hear what’s going on. Aury is listed as Liv’s top emergency contact in her phone while she’s living in London. Her family home is in Northumberland, so it made sense for Liv to choose one of us.
‘Tell me again what the police told you?’ I prompt Aury, now she’s here. ‘Ben went through a red light?’
