‘The way he looks at you. The way you sometimes look at Ollie. There’s something there, isn’t there? Don’t pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about.’
‘Idon’t,’ I enthuse. ‘I really don’t. He’s one of my best friends.’
‘That’s how it starts.’
I shake my head. ‘No. It doesn’t.’
‘Tonight you were in each other’s arms. By the stairs. For all to see.Isaw.’
‘You can’t use that against me. Ollie was comforting me.’
‘I bet he was.’
‘Not like that. Liv was there.’
‘Liv was with me in the kitchen, playing games.’
‘She was there at the start …’ I stop speaking. What’s the point in all this? This wasn’t the kind of fight I expected: for Ben to think Ollie and me are doing the dirty on the pair of them.
‘You’re going to get together with Ollie,’ he says. ‘I can see it. And. It. Will. Kill. Me.’
‘Ben,’ I say softly. ‘I’m not. It’s not like that.’
‘Promise me,’ Ben says, ‘that when you walk out on me, you aren’t going straight to him.’
‘I’m not going to Ollie.’
‘Promiseme,’ he says again and he’s not angry, he’s desperately,desperatelysad. ‘Promise me you and Ollie aren’t going to get together. Promise me this isn’t what you breaking up with me is all about. I mean it, Aurora. The thought of you andOlliegetting together – he’s my best friend. And I’m in love with you. I’ll lose you both. It will kill me.’
Oh God. ‘OK,’ I nod. ‘I promise.’
‘Why don’t I believe you?’
‘I don’t know,’ I reply and tears form in my eyes. I’m soscared for Ben. His thought process is ruining me, ruining him, ruining all of us. What’s going on inside his head? ‘I don’t know why you don’t believe me. But Ipromiseyou, I’m not getting together with Ollie.’
He looks at the floor again and I barely hear his next words as he says, ‘Bye, Aurora.’
‘I don’t want to leave like this.’
‘Then don’t,’ he challenges me.
‘I’m so scared for you.’
‘I’m not about to fucking kill myself overyou,’ he says sharply.
I’m taken aback, because wasn’t that what he was suggesting? ‘OK, then I’m sorry about how this worked out, how this is ending. I do love you, you know.’
‘That’s what makes it even worse,’ he replies. ‘I’m going to the bathroom now. When I come back, you’d better not be here.’
I issue a startled noise and watch as Ben leaves the room and I hear the bathroom door slam. If Ollie and Liv haven’t heard all this, it’d be a miracle. I leave Ben’s room and go to mine, gather my bags and know I’ll have to talk to Ollie and Liv about helping me pack up the rest of my stuff and getting it to me without having to encounter Ben again. I can’t come back here.
I put my hand on Liv’s closed door and whisper goodbye. Then I go to Ollie’s door, resisting the urge to knock. I can’t be seen to be near him – not now, not ever probably. Not if I want to keep Ben safe from himself. I place my hand on Ollie’s door and whisper the same goodbye. And then I leave.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ollie
I enter the kitchen the next morning and assess the incredible amount of mess. I steel myself, ready for the task ahead, and begin tidying. I’m the first one up. I have no real idea what happened after that insane drinking game, but it must have got a lot messier as I can smell vomit, although I can’t see where it is. I grab a black sack and start throwing away what look like hundreds of plastic cups, empty bottles, paper plates, dried-up samosas and chicken nuggets, crisps and various other shrivelled items that passed for food last night.
