Twenty minutes later, when I’m showered and dressed, Ollie carries my suitcase down the stairs and out into the street, rolling it along behind him as we walk together in comfortable silence to the Tube station. He’s pulled trainers on and a puffer jacket, but in the haze of the street lights I can see he’s still in his pyjama bottoms. It makes me smile.
He carries my suitcase down the station stairs for me and, before I tap my card to go through, I turn and hug him, giving Ollie the tightest squeeze I can manage at this hour. He watches me as I go through the barriers and raises his hand in goodbye. I raise mine back and we smile at each other before I head towards the platform.
There’s something about this entire morning with Ollie that makes me feel that although today marks the end of something huge in my life, it also marks the beginning.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ollie
‘Where have you been?’
I hear Liv’s voice before I see her. I haven’t taken my coat off yet and it’s nearly half-six. She’s at the top of the stairs, looking down at me.
‘I took Aury to the station.’
‘Why?’ she asks, looking concerned.
‘Because it’s dark and it’s London,’ I tell her. Liv knows what I mean.
‘You’ve not taken me to the station when it’s dark,’ she points out.
‘Yes, I have.’ It’s true. I have.
‘Not recently.’
‘I’ll always walk you down, if you ask me to. And it’s crazy early out there. We didn’t see another soul.’
‘Why didn’t you sleep in with me last night?’ she asks.
‘I needed to be up early and didn’t want to wake you,’ I try gently.
‘You got up early to walk Aurora to the station?’
‘Yeah. No. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to apologise for being a bit shit.’
‘That’swhat you needed to be up early for? That’s why you didn’t sleep in with me last night?’
‘No,’ I sigh. ‘I need to get to my classes too, obviously.’
‘Oh,’ she says.
We stand there for a moment, neither of us quite sure what’s going on with the other. I’m not sure I know what’s going on with me, either. Maybe it’s Aury leaving. It’s bugging me. I’m finding uni really hard too, but you don’t see me dropping out.
‘She’s really going to do it then? She’s really quitting uni?’ Liv asks, as if reading my mind.
‘I guess so,’ I reply. I lean back against the front door and look up at her. I’m not sure I ever know the right thing to say to Liv. Or to Aury. As evidenced by our almighty row earlier this week. But I should be able to say what I think to Liv, without her flying off the handle or being passive-aggressive. It’s normal, though, isn’t it? Isn’t it normal to feel anxious in a relationship? I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never been in one before. Liv is my first proper girlfriend. I feel I’m doing something wrong, constantly. But she doesn’t say. Other than that time when she sat me down and told me to pay more attention to her or lose her. Oh, is that what this is? Is it happening again? Is it being said, without being said? I can pull this back.
‘It’s going to be so weird without her,’ Liv says.
‘She says she’s going to keep living here.’ I don’t want totalk about Aury now. I think we should talk aboutus, only I’m not really sure how to slide that into this conversation.
‘But she’s hardly here anyway,’ Liv points out. ‘It’s been the three of us for ages now.’
Liv’s right. It has. We can’t drift apart now. We’ve done so well. We’re tight-knit.
‘Everything’s going to change, isn’t it?’ she asks mournfully.
‘What? No. Come here.’ I hold my hands out to her and Liv moves towards me down the stairs. ‘Why do you think everything’s going to change?’ I ask as she reaches me.
