I didn’t want to hurt him. I’d carry the weight of that forever. Harley deserved to be loved and wanted and needed every single day by someone who saw him.The real him.Not the version his mother had groomed him to be. I’d been an idiot to think I could give him that—to think that we could have the world together without repercussions.
The world went on like it always did, and with each passing day, a part of me died. The part that had once been kept alive by a boy as broken as I was.
I became a shell of a man hollowed out by the expectations and weight of my life.
I was drowning.
Completely consumed by all the things I don’t know how to fight.
There was no saving myself.
There was no hope.
There was no beacon guiding me home.
All I had was the endless ticking of a clock I wished I could stop forever.
-Harley, age 29
CHAPTER 45
harley
Your mother is… unimpressed with her new accommodations.”
I made a small sound, completely unsurprised by this development. The woman was never impressed with anything, but they’d learn that quickly atPeaceful Pines.It was a hard thing to miss when it was most of her personality.
“My mother’s unimpressed with most things, Ms. Fletcher,” I said into the phone. Margaret Fletcher was the patientcoordinator at the assisted living center, where my mother had been moved. I’d known her health was declining for several years. It was evident in her sudden withdrawal from her social circles and my life. Instead of checking in on her as I should’ve, I used the distance to breathe a little.To pretend like things were okay.
However, when she fell and broke her hip, it became clear that something had to change. She had spent most of the day lying on the floor just waiting for someone to find her. After firing Clifford and the house staff, there was no one around to watch out for her. She couldn’t stay in the house on her own anymore, but there was no way in hell I’d be moving her into our condo. Thus, the decision was made to put her in an assisted living center.
“You’ll get used to her,” I continued.That was a lie. They’d just get accustomed to her abuse and learn how to navigate her demands—hopefully, they’d do a better job than I had.
“She wants to know when you’re coming to pick her up,” Margaret replied.
I sighed and set the shirt I was folding in my suitcase. It didn’t surprise me that she was expecting me to get her. Her protests since the start of this endeavor had been overtly loud and increasingly frustrating. Every time the phone rang, my heart rate spiked.
“Please remind her that this is a permanent decision made for her own well-being,” I told her, doing my best to sound diplomatic and calm about the whole thing. Margaret didn’t need to know how anxious it made me.She didn’t care.“And I will… come visit her when I can. I have to go take care of her house.”
Admittedly, I hadn’t spent any of the last six years in Wilde Bay. I couldn’t bring myself to go back. I could only take so much of the heartbreak and memories tied to that town. So, the idea ofgoing back to clean up her home—my childhood home—just so I could sell it was stressful. Visiting her on top of that?Yeah, I didn’t want to do that.
“I will,”she replied.
“Thank you, Ms. Fletcher.”
“You’re very welcome, Mr. Lowell, and thank you again for your generous donation,” she said. I made a sound, but that was it before hanging up. My generous donation was my way of apologizing to them for having to deal with my mother. I didn’t envy them at all.
“I don’t understand why you have to leave,” Vivienne snapped as she waltzed into my room.Yes, we had separate rooms in our condo.It was the only way I managed to survive this godforsaken marriage I’d agreed to. She took the largest bedroom with its massive bathroom and walk-in closet, while I took a room on the complete opposite end of our condo to put as much distance between us as possible.
Four years ago, we got married, and that was that. She was on my arm at every business dinner and social function while maintaining a strong presence in the office where I worked. Her opinions were loud and manipulative, but I just dealt with them.This was what I’d signed up for.
It made everyone around us happy. Even if we couldn’t stand one another, they believed the happy facade we put on. She was just like my mother and then some. Her presence grated on my last nerve and made my anxiety go haywire. In turn, I was too soft and too nice for her liking. Where she preferred to use and discard people like they were nothing, I chose kindness and understanding whenever I could. It led to fights often.Ones I let her win because I didn’t have the will to keep it up anymore.
I also pretended not to know that she was sleeping with her golf instructor at the country club. Better him than me. We weren’t physical, something I was immensely grateful for. Mybody shut down under basic contact with her—holding hands, a touch on the shoulder, and so on. I could fake being okay with it by smiling. I was practiced in those. I couldn’t imagine having to fake anything more with her.
“Just send a team in to fix it and be done with the place,” she said. “It’ll fetch a fortune on the market, and we can put that into buying a place in Paris.”
Ah, the Paris fight again.She wanted a house there, and I didn’t. It made no sense to have one there when everything we did was stateside. We had decided to compromise by putting the money I’d get for selling my mother’s house into buying whatever house Vivienne wanted in Paris.
