“And clean this mess up,” he ordered while he stomped to the door. “Or make her do it. Fucking useless bitch—”
The rest of his sentiment was lost when he slammed the door shut. The screen banged hard in the frame, making me flinch. I drew in a deep breath before turning to look at my mom. She was skinnier than I remembered her being, her face hollow and sad. Her hair was thinning, and her eyes were bloodshot. She was a mess, but still, I smiled with a mixture of sadness and ridiculous joy at seeing the woman who didn’t love me and never had. Not the way a mother was supposed to.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, trying to put some feeling into it.
“Look at you, baby boy,” she gasped. She ruffled my hair and touched my cheeks. “You got so handsome. You look just like your father.”
That wasn’t the compliment she thought it was. I didn’t want to be like him.I didn’t want to be like either of them.
“What happened with Aidan?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I don’t know what got into your brother,” she told me. “He just started yelling and throwing good food—”
“How much did you ask for, Mom?” I cut her off. With them, it was always about the money.
“Why do you have to be like that, baby boy?”
“Because it’s always about the money.”
“You know, sometimes I like to come see my boys! I can do that, you know!”
“How much, Mom?”
“It wasn’t that much,” she caved, “and I really did want to see my boys.”
No, she didn’t. That much I knew. She cared more about what she could get out of us. It’d been that way forever.
But I didn’t say those thoughts outloud. They’d make her cry, and I hated making her cry. Aidan was horrible to her. The least I could do was be the nice one. Taking out my wallet, I pulled out a few bills. I didn’t have much to offer, and I had to try to keep something for myself, but I could give her most of it.
“Here.” I held it out to her. It was just easier to give it to her and get her out of Aidan’s hair than push the matter. Mom was exactly who she was. There was no changing her.
“Aw, baby boy, that’s too much money,” she said, even as she took the money. She ran her fingers over the bills with more fondness than she’d ever shown toward me. A twinge of pain pulsated in my chest uncomfortably.Why did that bother me so damn much?It wasn’t like it was a new thing. “I can’t take this.”
Yeah, she could, and she would.
“It’s fine,” I assured her. While she counted the bills twice, I kept busy by cleaning up the food on the floor. Aidan didn’t do shit to take care of the house. That was my job—not one I wanted, but one I was stuck with anyway. I asked quietly, “Are you staying for dinner?”
She wouldn’t. She never did. Somehow, despite having done this song and dance with her more times than I could count, a little part of me wanted her to stay. I wanted to spend time with her.
“Oh, you know,” she began slowly, drawing the words out, “Marcus wants to head west for a few months. He has some friends out there—”
“It’s okay, Mom,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to hear about her disappearing with some guy I didn’t know. Not when we were right here. “Just be safe, okay.”
“I will,” she said. She took hold of my cheeks, and the smile she gave me made my heart hurt. “And it’ll be good, baby boy. Marcus has a lead on a real good job out there. Who knows? In a few months, we could come back and get you. It’s supposed to be nice out there. You could get a job, and we could get a nice house together. We could be a family. Don’t you think that’d be nice?”
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” I replied, knowing full well she didn’t mean it. The next time I’d see her, it’d be about more money. She wouldn’t come back for me.
“I’ll come back for you, Mav,” she continued, like she’d keep her promise. Was I stupid for wishing she would? Just to know she thought about me the minute she left? “And you’ll see. It’ll be really nice. I’ll be able to give you the nice life I always wanted.”
“Okay,” I whispered. Empty promises. It was always empty promises with her. “I love you.”
I said the words because I meant them. For all of her screwed-up behaviors, she was still my mom, and I loved her. Just sometimes love wasn’t enough. It couldn’t change a person. Itcouldn’t help them or fix them. And loving someone wasn’t enough to make them love you back. Sometimes, you just had to be willing to rip your heart out and let someone stomp on it because that was all your love was worth.
As soon as she was gone, I scrounged through the cabinets and found what food I could squirrel away without Aidan noticing. When my brother figured out that I’d given her money, he’d make my life hell, and it always started with locking up all the food.
CHAPTER 04
harley
