For starters, I fell for her a few months before I moved in, when she turned sixteen. And even though she’s only a year younger than me, Elowyn is still too young.
Second, I’m supposed to be grateful to the Montgomerys for taking me in as their legal ward. While I’m under their roof, wanting their daughter crosses a line.
Last but not least, I can’t offer her a damn thing. My family and I have been struggling for as long as I can remember. I don’t belong in this town. In this life. The only reason I even go to the same prep school as Barclay and Elowyn is because of my scholarship.
And yet.
The heart wants what it wants. And it’s been wanting her for months now.
Ever since a switch flipped, my feelings for her hit hard and cut deep enough that I ended my first relationship over it. In a heartbeat.
Truth is, I can’t think of anyone else. I’m addicted to her.
To the quiet moments between us. The curve of her lips when she looks at me from across the dinner table. The hitch in her breath over something as small asgood morningorgoodnight.
Someday, we’ll be together.
When that happens, it won’t be rushed, secret, or wrong.
It’ll be real. A forever kind of thing.
Until then, all I have is her presence to comfort me. Especially on a night like this.
A plan is already forming in my head. Before I shower, I’m going to head upstairs and walk past her bedroom. If she’s left the door ajar like I hope, I’ll sneak a glance at the sweet, innocent girl I’m obsessed with.
The innocent girl you’re going to corrupt by making her share air with a murderer?
My teeth sink into the inside of my cheek, and blood floods my tongue.
She can never know what I did. Ever.
“Come on,” Barclay whispers from the landing, a lock of his ash-blond hair falling over his forehead. The warm glow from the chandelier reflects in his excited, pale-blue eyes. “Before someone wakes up and sees you with sand on your T-shirt.”
“Right.” I rub the back of my neck, lowering my voice for the sake of their parents.
They aren’t doing great. The last thing I want is to wake them.
“Cool. See you in the morning.” My best friend grins, fake salutes me, and disappears into his room.
If only he treated Elowyn the way he treats me. He isn’t the kindest person out there, but at least with me, he’s less distant. Less mean.
I wish I could do something about it. More than the bullshit I already do, like holding Barclay’s attention so he won’t be around her as much. Like asking her how she’s doing. Or sleeping outside her room.
Not at some point in the future, either, when I’ll make her officially mine.
Now.
Problem is, being obvious could get me kicked out of here. And moving out of the Montgomerys’ home means I won’t be able to see her every day. Won’t be there to help her.
On top of everything else, that last thought is what brings bile up my throat.
Fuck me, I’m going to be sick.
I feel too much. Too fucking much. I have to wash this day off.
Finally, my feet move, taking me up the stairs two at a time. As soon as I reach the landing, I make a beeline for my room instead of passing by Elowyn’s. I won’t throw up in front of her. I won’t.
I’m almost there when a small, warm palm on my shoulder stops me.
