Gulping against a dryness that’d withered my vocal cords, I nodded.
“If you took your head out of your ass for one second, you would have seen how much he loved you. Always there for you, always going out of his way for you, and what does he have to show for it? Four metal plates in his head and six screws in his knee.” A gust of wind tousled her shoulder-length hair, the shiny black strands glistening in the sun. “Just admit it. You didn’t love him back. You just used him to fill the hole in your heart.”
I inhaled wetly, sniffing against another spate of tears.
“Was it worth it?” Her tone was ice.
“No,” I squeaked out.
Crossing her arms, she gripped herself tightly, as if it took everything in her to hold herself back. “What were you even doing out there in the middle of the night—in a full-on tsunami?”
“I didn’t know…” That the demon would be waiting. That Javi would take the shortcut through the Boardwalk instead of going straight to the actual destination I sent him—the Santa Cruz Lighthouse. “I didn’t know it was going to be that bad.”
“We’re in a climate crisis, River. Every natural disaster is bad.”
There was nothing natural about this, about Finis’s serpentine face and the way it twisted in the moonlight, about the dark, demonic magic that’d turned our amusement park to rubble and infected Javi’s mortal body like a poison…
But I couldn’t tell her that.
So, I not only carried the guilt of that night—I also carried the full truth of it.
Jade whisked past me, her flip-flops slapping against the concrete. “I wish you were in there instead of him.”
Me too, Jade. I wished it every day.
As I stepped off the curb, the blaring honk of a horn had my heart jumping, instinct pushing me back. A shuttle accelerated past me, the driver’s curses muffled by the wind.
I wished it had flattened me, honestly.
Another honk. This time more subtle, coming from the parking lot. I whipped my chin in that direction, towards a hand waving out the window of a small SUV. My dad.
Turning on my heels, I headed for his car. I only hoped with Javi waking up and the tearstains on my face he’d just leave me alone.
I opened the door, the AC a cool kiss over my face and hair.
“Hey, Riv.”
“Hey.” I slid onto the seat.
“How was it?”
“Horrible.”
The car reversed.
Muscles rigid, I waited for the questions, the judgement, as I picked at the dirt beneath my nails—but they never came. The faint tune of the radio, the hum of the tires, the hiss of the air were the only things that made it to my ears.
“I’m sorry,” he offered.
“Thanks.” Sliding down the leather, I let my shoulders fall.
Sleep should have come easy after being awake for so long, after hours of running and adrenaline and fighting to survive and having my heart shattered over and over again—but my brain wouldn’t turn off. I couldn’t stop thinking.
I rubbed my forehead, trying to ease the throb that had gathered behind my skull.
Home, I just needed to get home, take a shower, and flop into bed. Nothing could reach me there.
Stabbing pain shot up and down my arm. Gripping my sleeve, I pulled the cuff well past my knuckles to hide the butterfly. This cursed tattoo.
