He had been in Chicago for a month, and it didn’t feel like home, but he knew that eventually it would. He still missed Drew. The ache of Drew’s absence hadn’t lessened, as much as he hoped it would. He had maintained his discipline and hadn’t contacted Drew, and hadn’t looked Drew up online. That wouldn’t be helpful. A clean break would be better in the long run. Summer felt distant, but he knew it would always be with him. He had no idea how he would ever move on. What he and Drew had found felt special, once-in-a-lifetime. He knew he was very young to think he had found a love that true, but he was convinced he had, and the thought of finding something that could measure up scared him and made him sad.
He got off the train at the Belmont station and walked the rest of the way to his apartment, which was on a side street with tall apartments and duplexes that had brick and stone facades. It was a beautiful neighborhood and very active. There were a lot of people his age, and he knew that someday he would think it was a great place to live.
The apartment he shared with Josie was on the third floor of a brick building that had marble steps leading up to the entrance. There was a little wrought-iron gate next to the sidewalk, which he pushed open. It was casual day at the office, and he wore a pair of dark jeans, loafers, a sweater, and a light jacket, with a leather backpack on his shoulders. He had earbuds in his ears, but he wasn’t listening to anything.
He buzzed into the building. It didn’t have an elevator, because it was very old, so he took the stairs up to the third floor. The stairwell and hallways smelled like old carpet, and he was beginning to associate that smell with home.
It was a little after 6:00 p.m., and he would have about two hours to get ready and help Josie finish decorating for the party, though they had gotten most of the decorating out of the way last night. He was dressing as a pirate for the party, and wanted to shower before he changed into his costume.
He unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside. It was chilly outside, and their apartment was always drafty, but he didn’t mind. It was big for a Chicago apartment, and they had a good deal on the rent. It had two full bedrooms and a decent bathroom, which they had to share, but didn’t mind sharing. The kitchen was old but serviceable, and their living room doubled as their dining room. The apartment was currently decorated with streamers and fake cobwebs. Later, they would turn off the lights and turn on lamps covered in orange paper to give it all a haunted look. He had thoughts about the mishmash of “witchy” decorations Josie had chosen, but it was technically her name on the lease, and he wasn’t going to argue with her about accuracy. If anyone had actual questions about the occult, he’d be more than happy to answer.
“Decorations look good!” he called, hanging up his backpack on a hook by the door. He didn’t see Josie, but heard her moving around in the kitchen. “Did you finish? Everything looks done.”
“Thanks!” she called from within the apartment. “I had some help.”
Gabriel shrugged off his jacket. “From who?” he asked.
Josie emerged from the kitchen. She had already changed partially into her costume (it was supposed to be ironic, she said she was going as the scariest thing she could think of, an Autocracy, and he wasn’t quite sure how the cardboard box she’d constructed represented that, but he wasn’t going to ask). She had short blonde hair and large brown eyes. There was a giddy smile on her face.
Gabriel laughed when he saw her. “You look happy. Glad to be done with the decorating?”
She just nodded, still beaming.
“You’re acting weird,” Gabriel said. “Did you remember to get the wine?”
Another aggressive nod.
Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “Okay, you’re scaring me. What…”
He stopped speaking because he’d suddenly lost all ability to speak. Josie stepped to the side as someone else emerged from the kitchen, joining them in the joint living room/dining room.
Gabriel’s mouth moved like a fish’s, but no words came out.
Drew had lost his summer tan, and his hair was shorter than the last time Gabriel had seen him. He wore a cream colored sweater and light blue jeans, and looked very handsome. His eyes were soft, and there was a small, hopeful smile on his face. He looked like he was about to cry.
Gabriel choked out a laugh, which quickly became a sob. “Drew?” he finally managed to gasp. He could hardly believe his eyes.
He crossed their apartment faster than ever before, and Drew met him halfway, and they threw their arms around each other while Josie squealed.
“Drew,” Gabriel said again, and then just kept repeating Drew’s name, like by saying it, it would make Drew real, and would make him stay. He was crying, weeping into Drew’s shoulder as he clung to him. It felt surreal and impossible, and like the best thing that had ever happened.
Drew pulled away from the hug just long enough to look into Gabriel’s eyes. “Gabriel,” he whispered, and that was all he managed to say before Gabriel kissed him.
Kissing Drew was like coming home. Never before had Gabriel been so sure of therightnessof something as he was now. He loved Drew. He had never stopped loving him. The absence of Drew from his life had only made Gabriel’s longing for him stronger.
“What are you doing here?” he said when they stopped kissing. Josie had disappeared to her bedroom, giving them as much privacy as she could.
“Let’s sit,” Drew said. He held Gabriel’s hand like a lifeline and guided him to the couch in the living room. They sat very close together and held hands. Drew looked at Gabriel very seriously, and Gabriel thought he might burst with love.
Drew took a deep breath and then began to speak. “This past summer was the best summer of my life. It was the besttimeof my life. I’ve done a lot with my life, and gone some pretty cool places with my summers, and I will admit I didn’t expect Orion to be at the top of the list. I only went there because my manager thought it might be good for me to see the camp I’d donated to. I never thought that I would find myself while I was there, or that I would fall in love.”
He squeezed Gabriel’s hands. There were tears on both of their cheeks.
“But I did,” Drew whispered. “Ididfall in love. Gabriel, I know we’ve said it before, but Iloveyou. Telling you that I love you is the truest thing I can say, and loving you is the most natural thing I can do. Our love took me completely by surprise. You took me completely by surprise. You are the love of my life, Gabriel Ackermann, and leaving you and going back to Boston was the worst choice I’ve ever made, and I’ve made some bad choices. It was like cutting off my own arm, and I’ve ached for you ever since I left. I knew I had made a mistake, and I tried to convince myself it was for the best, and that we had made the right choice to not be together.”
Drew shook his head, almost aggressively. “It wasn’t the right choice, not for me. Any choice that takes me away from you is the wrong choice.Youare my right choice. You are my only choice. I should’ve known that then, but I know it now.”
He brushed gently at the tears on Gabriel’s cheeks. Gabriel shivered beneath Drew’s touch. He had missed that touch, and he finally felt like he was home.
