He began his life in Chicago. He had a job with the consulting firm that had offered to hire him when he graduated. It wasn’t the same job, and it didn’t pay as well as their initial offer, but he would be able to work his way up quickly if he worked hard. He worked hard and enjoyed the work, and kept himself as busy as he could. He lived with a college friend who had a spare room in her apartment. They lived in Boystown. Back when he had been in college, Boystown had been his dream. He had had dreams of going out at night or on the weekends and meeting someone, or many someones, and living a carefree and promiscuous life, but it no longer appealed to him. He knew he should go out and meet people, but the few times he joined his friends at bars or at clubs, all he could think about was how much more he would enjoy it if Drew were there. Hell, he’d enjoy doing anything if Drew was there. When he was with Drew, something as mundane as cooking dinner together was deeply special and intimate.
He had grown up that summer, in a way he hadn’t expected, and found a mature love that had caught him off guard. He had not anticipated falling in love with his summer fling, and now he had to find a way to move on from that love and to fall out of love. He was often sad, and his friends worried he was depressed. He didn’t tell them about Drew because even talking about his former lover was too painful. He had to leave Drew in the past. He had to find a way to start again. If only he could find it in him to want that.
Chapter 22
Drew
Drew hadn’t known what to expect with hissimple, but very public, coming out. With the rapid way the news cycle worked nowadays, the response was quick, noisy, and over pretty soon. There were a few trolls who commented wretched things, but mostly the feedback was overwhelmingly positive and kind. He was interviewed on a few sports podcasts, and some reporters from larger, established magazines and papers reached out. He declined most of the more established news outlets, except for one. He gave a short, thoughtful interview about why he believed diverse visibility was important in professional sports. Everyone should have the chance to follow their dreams, he said, and it was hard to believe that youcouldfollow a dream if you didn’t see multiple people like you living out a dream like yours. If he could be that model for even one younger queer person, he was glad.
Estelle called him when she saw his social media post and took him out for a nice dinner the next day. It was good to talk to her about the truth, to open up to her. She was kind and very supportive, and asked good questions. She threatened to physically harm anyone who spoke a word against him, and he begged her not to do that. There was no need for violence.
When they were finishing their wine after the food was all eaten, she said, “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure. I might not answer, but you can ask.”
She smiled at his response. “Did you meet someone this summer? Is that part of the reason you came out, and part of the reason you’re so sad to be back?”
He looked down at his wine. Estelle knew him well and could read his moods. “I did,” he said. “His name is Gabriel, and I love him, but we can’t be together. I live here, and he’s out there, and that isn’t going to change.”
Estelle frowned. “Well, that’s a defeatist, bullshit answer if I’ve ever heard one.”
“Estelle!” He was shocked by her response.
“It’s true. You say you love him?”
“I do.”
“Then why are you letting anything get in the way of that?”
Drew didn’t have a good answer—or at least, an answer that was good enough for her. He told her the story of his relationship with Gabriel, and how they had always agreed it would be just for the summer. When summer ended, so did their relationship.
“Did either of you plan on falling in love?” Estelle asked shrewdly.
“No, I don’t think so. I didn’t.”
“Then the terms of your initial agreement changed. You agreed to have a casual physical relationship in the summer, which would naturally come to an end when the summer ended. You didn’t agree to fall in love, but you did fall in love. That is an entirely different situation than just hooking up, pardon me.Being in loveis an entirely different set of expectations and standards than just casually hooking up. You shouldn’t expect to abide by the same predetermined rules. The situation changes, so do the rules.”
“I don’t know much about being in love.”
“None of us do, honey. We all just try to figure it out as we go, and hope that we’ll be forgiven when we mess it up.”
“Did I mess it up?” Drew asked, afraid that he had.
“I don’t know. I don’t know Gabriel, but I do know you. You’re different now than you were when you went away. You seem more sure of yourself, and you’re clearly happier when you talk about him. It sounds like real love, and love like that is a rare thing. If you find it, I think you should hold onto it.”
“I don’t know what to do,” he said. He was exhausted, and he missed Gabriel.
Estelle took his hand. “That’s why you have me, darling. I’m your manager. It’s my job to figure things out.”
Chapter 23
Gabriel
Chicago was a different world from Orion,Michigan.Gabriel liked it, though it was taking him a while to feel at home there. Life moved at an entirely different pace, and community looked different in the city. It was big and it was crowded, and he felt like he never saw the same people twice, unless he was at work or in his neighborhood. It would take him some time to find his friends, he knew, but by the time Halloween was approaching, he had begun to form some friendly connections. It was good to reconnect with his college friends. They all had changed since they graduated, but not enough that they couldn’t fall back together. They had all grown up a little bit, but they still loved each other and took care of each other.
His roommate was named Josie. They had been good friends in college, and he was glad he was living with her now. She worked in marketing for a large bank, and introduced him to many of the friends she had made in the city since moving there. She had a large social circle and was looking to set him up with one of her friends, which he didn’t want, but she was starting to wear him down. They were hosting a Halloween party in their apartment, and she had invited the friend, and she said that Gabriel wouldhaveto meet him. He didn’t have to go out with the friend, but she at least wanted him to be open to meeting the guy. He agreed, but said that she better not be weird about it. She made no promises.
He still had his car, but he sometimes took the train to work because he didn’t like finding parking by his apartment, and he enjoyed that on the train, he could read or be alone with his thoughts, though it was hard to be alone on the crowded L. He took the train to work on the Friday of the Halloween party, and when he was on the way home, the train was crowded, and he had to stand. He held one of the poles and went into his own mental world.
