But how could I put into words what I wanted?
It was more than just the desire for the weight of him in my mouth. And maybe it wasn’t even the act itself, but where my mind went during it.
It’s like slipping underwater. Not drowning. Just… quiet. Everything slows. The noise in my head. The rules, the posture checks, the fear, fade.
How could I put that into words to voice?
“Is it something you want, or the effect you get from serving me?” Vincent shifted again, eyes intense like he was attempting to read my mind.
“Peace. I…get peace from serving you.” I whispered, fearing that if I talked any louder, it’d break the moment.
“You are precious.” He gave me a soft smile, like he knew exactly what I was thinking. “Do you need orders to do what you want, or are you brave enough to make the move, to take what you want?”
My eyes widened slightly.
Make me, please, Sir.
I wasn’t brave.
“Green if you want me to order you. Yellow if you want to be brave. Or red, if you simply want to stay right where you are.”
“G-green, Sir.” Why had that been easier to say than I actually thought?
“Remember those colors.” I nodded. I knew their meanings; they were explained in the book. That was right after a long chapter about trust. “Use them. As often as you need to Ineedto know your colors.”
“Yes, Sir.”Thank you,I added mentally.
“Now be a good boy and hold my cock. You did an amazing job last time.”
Thank you,I sighed.
Vincent let go of my face before shifting enough to pull his sleep pants down enough that his front was uncovered. My mouth watered, just remembering how my mind had gone silent that first time.
I didn’t move until the Alpha told me. While my mind wanted to shove him into my mouth, my body remembered to be gentle.
I shuffled closer, then leaned over enough to fit him into my mouth.
I couldn’t stop the hum of contentment as he rested along my tongue. Slightly salty. His pubic hair tickled my nose until I pressed forward, so much so that there was no inch of space where he ended and I began.
“Good boy, Charlie.”
I hummed, almost a purr, at the praise. But with it, came the thought that I wasn’t Charlie. I was something else that I couldn’t put a name to.
Vincent’s hand found my hair again, this time slightly tighter instead of just resting there.
It was exactly what I wanted but couldn’t put words to.
After a full minute, my mind settled. Not close to where I had been before, but that was okay. I was serving my Alpha. I was offering my services.
“Subspace isn’t always going to be found, or easy to achieve. There are many factors that go into it. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t reach that mindset every time. Just like it’s normal if you do. Every sub is different,therefore each moment is too.” His hand didn’t move as he talked. The words settled into me in a way that calmed me further from my thoughts.
This was okay.
“I think,” he went on, loosening his grip on my hair enough that he was no longer holding me where I desperately wanted. “After you fill out those papers tomorrow, we are going to sit and talk about some things that you need from me. Like your desire to kneel at my feet and serve me.”
I blinked, staring up at him. Whatever he saw in my eyes was enough to keep him talking. His voice wrapped around me like a blanket on a cold winter day.
“You crave things, to feel needed. To serve me, don’t you, sweet Omega.”
