I didn’t understand why it hurt this much. Alpha Harris was just another Alpha. He was never going to keep me.
I would’ve ended up back at Lockswell House either way.
But still…
Something about this goodbye felt different. And that difference was the part I couldn’t afford to feel.
Over the years, teachers pressed the issue of never allowing an Alpha to get to our feelings. Feelings made Omegas do stupid things, to make wrong choices. Then, in return we’d be punished for it.
I knew better than to let my heart want something it should never have. Yet, it felt like my heart was getting left behind in pieces as it beat inside my chest.
I wasn’t a fan of the feeling.
But, I knew, in time, the feeling would pass. I’d serve my client; I’d do what I had to do.
Nothing else mattered. It couldn’t.
On the way back towards Lockswell, the two handlers, both Betas, sat in the front seat. I was chained like a criminal in the back. It wasn’t like I was going to run, but I complied with the demands.
What else was I to do?
The scenery passed by, my eyes staring blankly at everything. It was harder to shut out the world this time than ever before, and took every bit of effort to not shed a tear.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to beg whoever was listening to let me stay with Alpha Harris.
He was a kind Alpha. And he hadn’t asked much of me.
My clients wouldn’t be so nice. They never were.
It didn’t take long before the Beta behind the wheel made the final turn, and there it was—Lockswell Housing and Boarding School.
The sun caught the edge of the massive metal sign, casting a glare that made it impossible to ignore. It rose above the entrance like a monument.
Like it mattered. Like it was proud of what waited beyond the gates.
But all I saw was a name that had carved itself into my bones. And a place that never let you forget who you belonged to.
The shift hit me the moment we passed the sign. Something inside me recoiled—tightened.
Not panic. Not fear. Just a quiet, sinking dread.
The van slowed as we neared the main building. The one I rarely entered. It wasn’t a place for Omegas likeme, not for service, not for rest. It was just for decisions made behind closed doors.
Suddenly, everything felt sharper. The air smelled too clean, too sterile. The sun dimmed behind the clouds, like even the sky didn’t want to look.
And the silence…
That awful, curated silence pressed in from all sides.
I hadn’t noticed it before. Not like this. But now it consumed everything.
I didn’t like it.
I didn’t understand how I’d lived like this for so long. I didn’t know why it was only now, after Alpha Harris, after warmth, after choice, that it finally started to hurt.
The van rolled to a stop, gravel crunching beneath the tires like a warning.
The Betas didn’t speak, just stepped out, walked around, and opened my door. I followed. Not because I wanted to but because that’s what you do when you’ve been trained to move without question.
