Handlers repeatedly told me that no one wanted me; that there was no living soul out there to claim me as their Omega child.
And the handlers didn’t lie. They were cruel, yes, but they didn’t lie.
No one had wanted me then, so why would anyone claim me now?
I didn’t react as Evander took a seat and made me take a pill. My body already knew what to expect from it before he placed it on my tongue.
I wanted to beg, to plead, to tell this Alpha that I’d be whatever he wished me to be, again and again, but I knew better.
Pleading would get me nowhere. It was better to accept whatever happened. He was the owner of my body and mind. And if he wanted to play games, then I’d endure it.
As I closed my eyes, the pictures popped up again before me. The pictures of a boy who looked like me. Of a boy who laughed, smiled, and leaned into the Alpha like he belonged there.
But itwasn’tme.
Sure, I remembered tiny fractions of time where I could see where this Alpha could play mind games with me. My parents and I went camping often. There was my best friend, too; his face was too far out of reach to recall.
But mostly, I remember the fear. The cold hands. Dark rooms. And voices that didn’t sound like this Alpha’s.
I never liked the dark rooms at Lockswell, but they served their purpose.
A soft sound escaped me, something between a breath and a sob, and I pressed my palms harder against my thighs,grounding myself in the pressure. Evander’s hand stilled in my hair, then resumed its slow, steady motion.
He didn’t say anything; he didn’t have to. The silence between us felt heavy, but not cruel. Not like the silence I’d learned to fear.
This one felt…. Waiting. Patient. Like he was giving me space to come back to myself. Or space and time for the pill to kick in, making me burn with a need I loathed more than simply pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
I wanted to tell this Alpha that he was wrong, that I wasn’t that boy. The words were right there, pressing against the back of my teeth.
But before I could force them out, the pill hit me faster than I expected.
My eyes widened a little as the tension drained from my muscles, my shoulders loosening, my thoughts blurring at the edges. A warm, heavy calm washed through me, softening everything it touched.
And instantly, I knew. This wasn’t the Drive Hold medication.
That didn’t make me feel like this. That heightened the panic and arousal. It made everything brighter, closer, and my blood boils with a need that wasn’t ever filled.
This was something else, something meant to help, not control.
My chest eased instead of tightening. My thoughts didn’t disappear; they just shifted, softer around the edges like someone had turned the volume down on the panic.
I blinked slowly, trying to focus. I tried to speak, to tell him he’d given me the wrong thing, that I didn’t deserve anything that made me feel better, but the words tangled somewhere in my throat.
Evander’s hand was still on my hair, steady and careful, and the warmth of it spread down my spine.
I didn’t know what to do with that. I didn’t know what to do withanyof this.
My body felt heavy, but not in a way that scared me. More like…safe. Or something close to it. Something I didn’t have a name for.
I swallowed, the motion slow and thick.
“Evander…” his name slipped out before I could stop it, soft and uncertain.
I didn’t know what I meant to say after that. I didn’t know what I was asking for. I didn’t even know if I was asking for anything at all.
I just knew that whatever he’d given me wasn’t meant to force release after release from my worn-out body.
I hated feeling so out of control, yet I hated accepting the help of this pill just as much.
