I wanted to be eight again, running barefoot through the yard with Evy chasing me.
I wanted the creek and the fish that tickled my toes.
I wanted a world where safety wasn’t something I had to earn.
I wanted….
The thought broke apart before I could finish it. My chest tightened. Tears welled before I could blink them away, blurring the edges of the room.
I gulped in a breath, forcing air into lungs that didn’t want to cooperate, trying to hold myself together before the cracks showed too clearly.
I tried. I really tried. But my body wasn’t listening.
I sniffed once, trying to pull myself together. The shirt’s scent helped a heartbeat, then didn’t. Everything felt too close, too loud, too much.
I wanted to take off the shirt. I wanted to hide in the shower, letting the cold-water rain down on me and wash away the feeling.
Evander leaned forward, right on the edge of the couch. I could see the shift in my peripheral.
Please,I begged, closing my eyes so the Alpha couldn’t see.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I wanted it all to just...stop. I wanted the panic to go away. I wanted orders. I wanted pain.
I wanted to freaking breathe.
“Kasey, breathe, sweetheart.”
I couldn’t.
I pressed my fingers into my sides, nails digging just enough to give my mind something sharp to hold onto. The sting cut through the rising panic for a heartbeat, just long enough for a sob to tear loose from somewhere deep within.
But it didn’t help me breathe.
My lungs stayed tight, refusing to pull in the air. My vision blurred. My body shook. I tried to swallow it down, tried to force myself quietly, and tried to hide the panic. But I was slipping.
Everything felt too big. Too much. Too fast.
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t make myself stay still.
Then, Evander’s voice came. It was closer now, low and rough around the edges like the sound hurt him too. “Kasey.”
I didn’t have the strength to flitch when warm palms cupped my damp cheeks. I didn’t fight the gentle tug lifting my face. I didn’t resist when Evander leaned in until our foreheads touched, grounding me with his warmth.
“You’ve got the breathe, sweetheart.” He murmured, voice catching. “I’m telling you to breathe.”
Oh.
A command. Something my body understood.
I dragged in a shaky, uneven breath. It came out as a chocked sob-cough, but it was air. I tried again. And again. Each inhale jagged, each exhale trembling.
Evander stayed right there, hands steady on my face, forehead pressed to mine, voice soft and sure.
“In and out. That’s it. Good boy, Kase. So good for me.”
I clung to the rhythm, to the warmth, to the sound of Evander’s voice guiding me through the panic that I could no longer hide.
Evander’s words made something inside me twist painfully. I didn’t know how to accept them, because I wasn’t good. Not when I panicked; not when I hadn’t served him. But I still hung onto them. I wanted to be good. To be good for him.
