It was harder than when I wanted it to be to remember my place.
It didn’t matter that Evander wanted to be nice right now. Sooner or later, this Alpha would want my service, and I’d hate myself just as much when that happened as I did the first time I had been used. How I hated myself through all the days of training.
But in the end, that was my purpose. To serve or be killed.
Omegas were useless pieces of bone and skin. We didn’t have happy endings in life. We weren’t pleading our cases to be loved and cared for.
No. Omegas were created to be used until our bodies went out.
But maybe, I could have that sliver of hope that this Alpha would be kind when he broke me more than I already was.
And maybe, if Evander was nice and kind and let me rest for a day or so more, then I could pretend that we were more than just Alpha and Omega. I could maybe pretend that he loved me.
Because I wanted to be loved. I wanted someone to care about my wellbeing. And I wanted things I didn’t dare think of ever having.
Maybe, once upon a time, I’d have been able to be loved by another without any strings attached. But that would have beenbefore.
Before my parents died in a car crash and I was given to Lockswell.
Before my family deserted me, not wanting to see the reason on why my parents died.
Before I was broken of all hope to ever be saved by a family that should have cared.
Before I knew what being an Omega truly meant in this world.
***
The lamp on the nightstand cast a warm pool of light across the bed, softening the shadows. The blankets were still rumbled from earlier, but instead of looking messy or wrong, they looked lived in. Like someone had cared enough to make sure I’d be comfortable.
I stepped just inside the doorway, fingers tightening around the edge of the blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders. The fleece fabric was almost like a barrier against the world. A tiny comfort I wasn’t ready to give up.
I took a slow breath, letting my eyes move across the dresser, the soft rug, the neatly folded towel and pile of clothes Evander had left at the foot of the bed. Details I hadn’t noticed before. Details I hadn’t been able to notice.
It was strange, seeing it all without the fog of panic or the sharp edges of fear. Strange and a little overwhelming.
But not bad.
My body felt heavy, the kind of tiredness that settled deep in my bones. The meds were wearing off, but the exhaustion was clinging to me.
I stepped further into the room, toes sinking into the rug, and the sensation startled me. It was softer than I expected.
The bathroom door stood slightly ajar, a sliver of light spilling out. Evander must have left it that way on purpose. An invitation without pressure. A choice.
I gathered the clean clothes and towels and held them against my chest as I walked towards the bathroom. Each step felt like testing new ground, like learning how to exist in a place that didn’t demand anything from me.
The mirror caught me as I entered, and I couldn’t help but pause. My reflection looked…worn. Pale.
I was still small; despite the way I had been forced to earn muscles to make memore attractiveover the past couple of years.
My blue eyes were still troubled and always would be. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see life in them again, even though my heartbeat was in my chest, and I was still physically here.
Mentally, I didn’t want to be here any longer than I had to be.
Turning away, I turned on the shower and steam began to curl around the edge of the shower door. The sound of water filled the room, steady and soothing, and I let myself breathe a little deeper.
Tonight, I would shower with water at the temperature I wanted, according to Evander’s orders. I’d get ready for bed after. And then, I’d try to sleep in a room that wasn’t mine.
And maybe, come morning, I’d try to earn this bed and space so this Alpha would want to keep me until my body gave out.
