My breath stuttered; my vision blurred at the edges. The fire popped too loud; the night pressed too tight, and every heartbeat felt like it was happening outside of my body.
I couldn’t tell where their hands ended and where my skin began.
My pulse jumped too fast and uneven. My fingers twitched and my knees wobbled.
I knew this feeling. I hated this feeling.
The world narrowed as my senses flooded until everything felt like I was drowning.
I tried to pull in a breath, but it caught halfway, sharp, and useless.
Evander noticed first, of course he did. His hand slid to the back of my neck, warm and steady, grounding me with a pressure I could actually feel through the static.
“Honeybee,” he murmured low enough only for me to hear. “Breathe for me.”
I tried.
The air scraped in too fast, too thin. My mother’s hands were still on my face, her thumbs brushing my cheeks and even that soft touch felt like fire on my skin.
“I-“ the word broke apart in my throat.
My father stepped back, hands lifting in surrender. “It’s okay, son. We won’t crowd you.”
Laura froze, her fingers trembling against my jaw. “Sweetheart…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”She loosened her grip, but didn’t let go entirely, just enough space for me to breathe without losing her completely.
But the damage was done.
My heart hammered against my ribs, too fast, too loud. My ears rang and the firelight flickered too brightly.
Evander’s arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me gently back against him. His chest was solid, his breathing slow.
“In,” he whispered, ducking his head so his lips right above my ear. “Hold. Out.”
I followed the rhythm, followed the orders to just breathe.
Laura’s hands slipped from my face, falling to her side as she watched me with wide wet eyes.
“I didn’t mean to overwhelm him.”
I swallowed hard; the world slowly settled back into place, though my hands still shook.
“I just…” My voice cracked. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Her expression softened, breaking in a different way. “We don’t either. But we’ll learn together.”
Evander’s hand tightened at my side, steady and sure. “We’re all trying now. And we don’t give up.”
“Come on, let’s sit and breathe for a moment, Honeybee.”
I would never argue that letting him sit with me in his lap, legs over one side, and my face tucked into his neck, breathing him in.
“So good for me, Honeybee.”
I hummed, already feeling the tiredness that came after the panic. My eyes were heavy and my chest ached.
But I had him. I had a family.
“Evy?” I asked quietly, peeking up at him and seeing that his eyes were on me. Always on me, Holding me captive in a way only he could. “Can…. can you tell them how…?”
