“I see.” The two words were filled with expectations and suspension. I pressed more against Evander, unsure what this man could possibly see of me to come to any type of conclusion, even though I was used to it.
Used to being talked about while someone stood right in front of me, as if I were an object. Used to being torn down, piece by piece.
But…Ididn’thave to accept that anymore.
“You finally quit looking for…” The voice trailed off, the tone impossible to pin down. Not relieved, not anything I could name. Just…heavy.
“Maybe now’s not the- “Maren tried, but another voice broke through. Quiet. Cracked. So full of grief, it felt like a hand closing around my heart.
I knew that voice. Not clear, not fully. But my body knew before my mind did.
I turned towards the sound, slow, like moving too fast might break something fragile inside of me.
And when my eyes found her, sitting beside the man that spoke a bit too gruffy, shoulders hunches like she wasn’t sure she wanted to be here, everything went quiet.
It was someone I had held on to for the past ten years, even though she looked older than I remembered, the fire flickering over her tired, worn-down face.
She wasn’t looking at me, her gaze only on the fire as she spoke, the words quiet like she didn’t have the energy to give more than that. “Don’t, Josh. We all searched until there was nothing left of us.”
Evander’s arm tightened around me, reminding me that he was here, and that I wasn’t alone.
I’d never have to be alone again.
“I didn’t stop,” Evander said just loud enough that everyone could hear. “I never stopped.”
Not until he found me.
My heartbeat in my chest as words I wanted to say were right there, so close yet so far away. I wanted to tell them who I was.
“I really don’t know why we keep doing this year after year,” Josh said, slouching in his chair. “No matter how many years go by, Kasey isn’t coming back. We are just torturing ourselves.”
“Maybe he’s closer than you think he is.” Evander spoke, drawing everyone’s attention to him. And in turn, me.
My mother’s eyes lifted to mine, and I was never more grateful for the darkness to hide me.
“You’ve always had that hope.” Mom spoke just as sadly, almost hauntedly. “Yet you still carry on. You’ve…you’ve made something of yourself that he’d be very proud of.”
I was proud of him.
I flickered my gaze towards Evander, and his eyes flashed to me with a soft, loving look that nearly took my breath away.
I was pretty darn sure he knew I was proud of him without having to say the words.
“I’m proud of you for surviving,” he whispered only for me to hear. “So proud. Whatever anyone else thinks doesn’t matter.”
“You matter.” The words felt strong in my chest but stumbled past my lips.
“So do you, Honeybee. Always.”
“I’m so sorry. We are being rude over here,” Mom’s voice was a bit stronger, like she remembered I wasn’t a part of them. “I’m Luara and this is Josh. Sorry we aren’t…. todays a hard day.”
“It’s…. your son’s birthday.”
“Yes. He’d be nineteen today.”
“You miss him.” It wasn’t hard to see. They all did. They missed the boy I used to be, the boy I might’ve grown into if life hadn’t torn me sideways.
And the thought twisted something deep inside me.
