“Don’t let me go. Don’t let me pull away. Don’t let me go blank when I get scared.”
“I’ll keep you grounded. Always.”
I nodded, my body relaxing as sleep claimed me in his hold.
***
I don’t remember going to bed, but that’s where I woke up. The blankets were wrapped snugly around me, cocooning me in warmth I didn’t recall climbing into. The stuffed fox was tucked against my chest, right where my arms must have pulled it in during the night.
A faint glow spilled in from the kitchen; the low light Evander always left on, just enough to keep the room from sinking to full darkness. Even so, the space felt dim, quiet in a way that made the shadows seem heavier than they were.
For a moment, I just lay there, breathing slowly, trying to piece together how I’d gotten from the couch to here.
It took a minute for my brain to catch up.
I didn’t walk there. I didn’t climb into bed. I didn’t pull up the covers.
Evander did.
The realization settled over me slowly, warm and startling all at once. I could almost picture it, his arms under me, lifting me as he stood from the couch. The way he’d tuck the blankets around me, making sure I was warm. The way he’d place the fox against my chest because he knew I’d want it close.
He carried me. Not because he had to. Not because it was convenient to do so. But because hecould. Because he cared.
I curled a little tighter around the fox, pressing my face into the worn fur as the truth washed through me.
Evy carried me to bed.
And somehow, that meant more than anything else that had happened today.
It was hard to wrap my mind around everything. So much had happened in such a short stretch of time, yet it felt like years had passed since the moment I first stepped into this house. Like I’d lived a whole lifetime between then and now.
How was it possible to feel so much, to experience so much, and towantthings all at once? All within days? All before I’ve even found my footing?
The weight of it all pressed against my ribs, tarrying and hopeful in equal measure.
And still…. I didn’t want to let go of any of it.
It was almost too much to hold inside my chest.
Everything that happened, every conversation, every memory, every moment Evander had steadied me or softened his voice or looked at me like I was someone worth protecting. It all pressed in at once. Heavy and warm and terrifying in a way that didn’t make me want to run.
I’d lived through years where nothing changed. Where every day felt the same. Where wanting anything was forbidden.
I didn’t know how it happened. But laying there in the dim light, wrapped in blankets that were soft, warm, and smelt of home, I realized something simple and horrifying at the same time.
I didn’t want to go backward. Not from this. Not from him. Not from the way Evander made the world feel a little better.
The truth settled into me slowly, like warmth spreading through cold fingers.
I wasn’t ready for everything, but I was ready for this.
I was ready for more moments of him carrying me to bed. I was ready for him to stay close. Ready for the quiet nights, and ready for the evenings we would spend outside, sipping drinks on the back porch as we fought off bugs from eating us.
I was ready to begin a life with this Alpha who I thought would be a death sentence. Ready to begin a new type of goodness with an Alpha who already held my heart.
The eight-year-old me would have proclaimed it to the world, shouted it from the rooftops even.
But this new me…was scared. Not scared of rejection, although there was a slight bit of that, but scared of what all this could mean. Scared of feeling things I had long since lost.
