“Really?” My voice felt rough and unsteady. “I…. I don’t know what to say.”
Kasey’s breath brushed warmth against my neck. “Do you need to say anything at all?”
That pulled a smile from me. I pressed my face into his hair, breathing him in, grounding myself in the fact that he was here. Alive. Safe. In my arms.
“I didn’t…I wasn’t sure you were him, but you are. My God, Kase. I…I…Honeybee…”
We stood there in the middle of the kitchen, dinner dishes still piled in the sink, the dishwasher hanging open like we’d forgotten how to finish a single task. None of it mattered. Not when Kasey was in my arms, holding onto me like he finally had permission to breathe.
There were a hundred things I wanted to say. A hundred questions I should have asked. But the words wouldn’t come. My mind was blank in the best possible way. Blank with shock; blank with relief. Blank with a kind of happiness I never thought I’d feel again.
All I could do was hold him.
Chapter 36
Kasey
The movie flickered across the living room in soft colors, the kind that didn’t demand attention. Something animated. Evander had picked it because he said it waseasy on the brain,and right now, that was exactly what I needed.
I was tucked against his side, resting just below his shoulder. I couldn’t seem to pull myself away from his warmth, away from his safety he so easily offered. A blanket laid across my legs that were stretched out along the couch, more for comfort than warmth.
We watched it in silence for a while. It was just quiet and safe. But the thought kept nudging me. Over and over until it pressed too hard to ignore.
I shifted slightly, enough for Evander to glance down at me.
“You, okay?” He asked, always mindful of every need I could possibly have.
I nodded, then shook my head, then nodded again. “I…don’t….” I huffed; the words weren’t coming to me.
Evander turned the volume down a bit before fixing the shirt that kept falling off my shoulder. I didn’t know why he bothered; it’d just fall again in a matter of minutes.
Trying again, I took a deep breath. “I…I don’t want anyone else to know. Not yet.” It hurt, but I wasn’t ready to share it. I wasn’t ready to share this new world, the new me, whoever that turned out to be, with everyone.
Evander didn’t ask what I meant. He didn’t push, just waited like he always did.
“About the results. I don’t want…. Your parents to know. Or…. mine.” That hurt too, but I knew it was for the best. “Not until I’m so….” I waved a hand up and down my body, like that’d explain what I meant. I couldn’t find the words. “Not until I figure out who I am now, or have an idea, I guess.”
“Okay.” So finally, like he respected it. Or maybe he was thinking the same thing but wasn’t wanting to bring it up just yet. “Then we take it slow. Just us. No pressure.”
I tilted my head up to give him a small smile. “Thank you.”
“We’ll go at your pace. Always.” He paused for a moment, his eyes searching mine. “We’ll have a lot to figure out. And I never want to push you for more than what you are capable of handling. Just know that I will never be upset when you tell menoor even anot yetto things I’d maybe want in the future.”
“I’ll try. But that may take me a little longer to get through my brain.” I turned away, not wanting to see his face with what I had to say next. “Lockswell enjoyed making me sayno, only to do whatever I didn’t want. They…” I breathed in deep, waiting for the panic to set in. When it didn’t, I kept going. “They’d push me. Past my limits. Past the tears and pain. They enjoyed it. They stripped everything from me, Evy. But I want those pieces back. Can you help me find them again?”
“Absolutely, Honeybee. I’d love nothing more than to help you find your pieces, and new ones long the way.”
I let the words settle in me, carving into my soul.
“You know,” Evander murmured after a few minutes of quiet. “You used to fall asleep during movies all the time.”
“Obviously.” I smiled. “I was akid.”
He laughed deep in his chest, the kind that was full of happiness and adoration.
“Well, nearly every single time we sat to watch a movie, you’d fall asleep. It didn’t matter what we were watching. You’d start sitting upright, all determined to stay awake. And then…”he made a gesture with his hand like a leaf drifting down. “Out cold. Usually on my shoulder or in my lap.”
“You make a great pillow,” I muttered as heat crept up my neck. And apparently, that’s where I still preferred my naps, if the past few days were enough to go off by.
