As I sat in the overly soft bed and sheets in the hotel room, crying in the darkness, a knock pulled me out of my trance. Emilia walked in like she was worried to wake me. She jumped when she turned around and saw me sitting there, crying in silence.
“What? What happened?” She rushed over to me, checking me over. I handed her my phone. She unlocked, andgasped, immediately locking the phone and wrapping me up in a hug. She kissed my cheek and stepped out. I heard muffled voices through the door. It was slightly open, so I heard Emilia agreeing to send a screenshot of the proof straight to Amber.
I laid back down, curling into the fetal position and began thinking back over the last few days. I couldn’t stop the buzzing that sounded in my ears. I stared out at nothing, my eyes unfocused on anything while my mind was a jumbled mess.
“Emmie! I’m home!” I heard Eddie sing-song through the door, and Emilia quickly shushed him. I hugged the pillow to my chest, wrapping around it like I needed something to hold onto. Seconds later, the door opened. The smell of food came in uninvited. Before I could focus too much on that, the dipped and strong arms wrapped around me. A warm body pressed against me, molding to me, holding me tightly.
“She’s pregnant,” I whispered, feeling like the words were choking me. “She’s…having his…his baby.” Eddie turned me around and I wrapped myself around him, falling apart in his arms. He held me as I sobbed, as primal sounds left my body. I didn’t realize there was still some way to hurt me. I didn’t know there was something else they could do to tear that wound open again. I cried and cried, until there was nothing left.
We laid there for a while. Eddie was smoothing my hair back and lightly running his fingers on my back. I felt him take a breath and pause, like he was ready to say something. I waited, and right as I heard the rumble of his voice in his chest, my stomach rudely interrupted.
He stopped talking, and I felt my face flush in the silence, until Eddie burst out laughing. My face felt like it went a few shades deeper as my stomach rumbled again.
“Let’s eat, sis,” he laughed as he slid off the bed, holding his hand out to me. I sheepishly took it, walking into the main sitting area. The smells of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee hit me. It was delicious and wonderful and I was more than ready to put all the food in my belly.
Sitting at the kitchenette’s little table, watching out the window at nothing, my hands around my coffee. My mind was whirling, as I tried to forget about that fucking message. I turned my phone off, not wanting to be tempted to check my socials. I had been told to take a few days off work, nothing to do, and frankly was more than ready to hear from Clint how the HR meeting went today. I sent him a text from Eddie’s phone letting him know mine was powered off for the day, and why. So, in short, I was stuck at the hotel today and tomorrow.
I wanted to get back on shifts, because I wanted to stay busy. I contemplated either going down to hit the gym or swim in the pool. I didn’t want to sit here with nothing to do, even though that's where I found myself. I mean, I was getting divorced six fucking monthsaftergetting married because my husband was a cheating bastard! What sad, pathetic loser couldn’t even make it a year?!
After a few hours, I was still in the same seat, and it was quiet in the suite. Not just quiet. It was silent. Not a single sound outside of the general hum of the fridge or the heat kicking on, or Emilia’s mouse clicking around on her computer. There was the hum of the city below us, but that was it. And the silence that rang through the room was so loud I thought I might go crazy at some point. Eddie got called into work. Damn full moons. Emilia was working remotely.
I had nothing to do or think about but the quiet.
That was when it hit me. Throughout the day, there was none of the normal hub-bub of the day. The mornings that used to be spent brushing past Caleb, fingers lingering on coffee cups as they were passed, the looks that were shared over everything bagels topped with cream cheese, weren’t going to happen again. There wasn’t the sound of pans on the gas stove as Caleb made food for us. There was no music to wake up to, or to wind down at the end of the day and recharge to.
And there wouldn’t be again.
The only human sounds I could hear were of Emilia and I breathing, me by the window, her in the spare room. I knew Eddie would be back in a few hours and his snores would keep me firmly planted in reality. All while that photo, along with its claims, stayed at the forefront of my mind. A black cloud hanging over what should have been a halfway decent day.
It should have been the most peaceful Monday I’d had in ages, especially since I wasn’t going to be needed at the hospital. Keywords there were‘should have been’.But it was…taking a brief interlude, my decent day had been paused bythis insane yet totally believable information. Taking a deep breath trying to center my emotions as the next thought slammed into me, ripping the wound open a little further.
He hadlied to meabout when they startedfucking, if the baby was in fact, his. He’d been lying to me for months. Months! I had to take another deep breath, not fully trusting myself yet, knowing that the pain and anger that simmered just below the surface was ready to fight, and I did not need that drama. I didn’t need the heartache. I just…needed to let go of that dream. Of having his babies. Of building a family with him. I sound ridiculous, because we were moving forward with the divorce, but having proof that it was for sure never happening, becauseit was already happening with someone else? When the ink isn’t even dry on the divorce drafts?
It hurt like hell. Like a wound that was still oozing, that would leave a nasty scar. It was weird because I knew looking at the wound now, it looked fatal. But when I look back in a year, I knew I’d be proud I left. I just had to pull myself together, because I wasn’t going to unravel.
Not for this pathetic excuse of a man.
I called Amber to see about the new developments that happened this morning. She was my biggest ally and supporter right now, even if she was getting paid for it. Emilia told me that Amber quickly added an amendment in the divorce agreement, arequestfor paternity as further proof of the affair and the gestational age as a gauge for the length of time versus what he had told me.
Fuck.
I rolled my eyes, closed them tightly to stop a rogue tear that tried to escape. These two absolute fucking morons were doing all the leg-work for me. Now, I just had to sit back and watch as they continued to build my case for me. Amber told me they were both served immediately after walking out of the conference room. She promised to show me the video next time we met.
“I promise you. You have to see it to truly appreciate its cinematic genius.” She sounded happy, thrilled actually. Like an employee learning their Christmas bonus was bigger than they thought.
*****
Eddie came around the corner in his pajama pants, looking semi-tired, but at the same time, like he’d gotten more sleep in the past week than he’d had in the past few years. I was so insanely jealous because I was feeling the opposite. As I looked at the man I called my brother, I knew it wasn’t just what med school and residency did to us that made him so tired. It was the emotional toll of that self-inflicted torture that was med school, plus the attempt at maintaining our personal relationships outside of being a doctor or med student, as well as basic adulting in our daily lives.
That was burn out. And his semi-tired, fully-rested face was proof that there was hope out there. Just needed people you could feel totally safe with and crash hard after being awake for over twenty-four hours.
We’d officially been medical doctors for three years and lived together with Emilia for the first year after graduation. The year we all lived with me, in my apartment. It was amazing, and honestly one of my most favorite times in my life. We were always sleeping either in my bed, or in our own beds, or we’d be camped out in the living room, draped across couches and love seats. We lived like siblings under one roof, full time, for the last time that year. They didn’t start moving out or getting their own places until we all started dating people. Then, it got a little cramped, and a little awkward some mornings, or late evenings.
Though I was giving the thought serious consideration, living together again. It felt comfortable, safe. It was nice. I wasn’t sure if we could do it though. Or if they would want to.
I had come to a decision while counting the dots on the ceiling tiles lying in the hospital bed before I was discharged. I was going to miss the memories of my times with them at the flat. I felt my lip twitch as the memories flew by in blur. Yearsof happy and sad tears, good and bad times, and all of the love, every day, in one place. But the memories of being with Caleb there were too much to bear right now. I need time apart, time away from him and his girlfriend, and the place that we used to fill with our love. Because based on the repeated texts, calls and messages, things were not looking good for them. It seemed to get his family’s attention when I posted my tell-all-statement about why the marriage was off, the picture of Becky bragging included, and tagging all the guests, to his facebook wall.
Good.
