Connor pouts but Hollis drags him closer and licks the mixture off one of his fingers. I turn my head because I would rather gouge my eyes out than watch them foreplaying in my parents kitchen.
I wait patiently while my mom takes over helping Hollis and Connor washes his hands. It’s hard to stand here and pretend like my world isn’t falling apart while the love of my life is fighting forhislife in a hospital room without me on Christmas Eve.
Connor finally finishes and dries his hands off, leading the way past my dad and Damon and into my old bedroom. The space has been converted into a cyber-lounge. My bed has been moved out sinceI took it to my house when my parents suggested they wanted to do something else with the space. I didn’t know that meant setting up another workspace for Hollis.
The three large oak desks spanning the space are packed with computer monitors and other notebooks. Each computer has a different app up and running, but the one that Connor is leading me to is a heat map, the red blobs moving across the screen like a lava lamp.
“What’s this?” I finally cave and ask when Connor doesn’t say anything. He’s just staring at me expectantly like I should know what the excitement is behind this.
“Coco, seriously? Have you not paid attention to anything Hollis has said to you?” His mouth gapes open in shock and I flinch from the obvious call out because no, I have not paidattention. The last thing on my mind has been work when there’s everything else going on.
Connor realizes his fuck up and promptly slams his mouth shut and shakes his head. “My bad, I forgot–” and whatever he says after that goes in one ear and out the next because of course he has forgotten. It’s not his loved one currently hooked up to a machine that’s keeping him alive. He’s not worried about when Hollis is going to wake up and smile at him again.
Oh fuck. I completely forgot something else. What if Raiden can never dance again? What if I’ve wasted all my time and all I will have to show is something that will remind him of the trauma he’s been through.
The doctor’s never said he won’t dance again, but with a brain injury, the doctors aren’t all-knowing about how the brain decides to heal. They can’t say for sure until he wakes up.
If he wakes up.
No.No.I can’t think like that. Raiden will wake up and he’ll be able to dance again. He’ll spin in circles around me and laugh at me when I’m not able to keep up with him. He’ll spend the rest of our lives showing me the dance moves he can do and how flexible he is because Ican’tlive without him.
“Jericho? Did you hear anything I said?” My attention snaps back to Connor as he gestures wildly to the computer in front of us.
I don’t say anything but he can see it on my face. He doesn’t act annoyed or put out by repeating what he said the first time, and when he’s done sharing all the details with me it’s my turn to stare in shock.
“This is… incredible, Connor. This is going to change everything going forward.”
The spark in Connor’s eyes lets me know this is why he didn’t mind repeating himself.
“They aren't going to know what hit them.”
32
JERICHO
“Hey tiny dancer.” I put the flowers I bought on the tableside next to him with the plethora of other gifts he’s received. The overflow of gifts are on the floor, wrapped boxes stacked neatly on top of each other. The one that sticks out the most is little Damon’s, the spiderman wrapping paper clashing against the other fancily wrapped gifts.
I helped Damon wrap it last night when I watched him, Sophie had a date and my parents already had something planned with Ema and Rodney. I couldn’t say no, regardless of how much the temptation was there. I didn’t want to leave Raiden at the hospital by himself, but I couldn’t expect Damon to want to spend hours here until his mom came back from her date.
So, I swallowed the building nausea and spent a few hours with him, watching tv while he told me about all the interests he has. Then, he promptly showed me every one of his toys until I made him put them away because I’m sure Sophie didn’t want to come home to his full toy box dumped out on the living room floor.
When he told me he had a gift he wanted to give to Raiden, I had to bite my lip to prevent the sob from escaping, but as we sat on the floor with Hercules playing on the TV and we wrapped the present, it was inevitable that a tear would slip out. Damon held my hand for the rest of the night until Sophie got home. I got a big hug and a kiss on the cheek from him. His departing words are still sticking with me as I stare at Raiden lying in his bed,“on’t be sad, uncle Jer. It’ll be okay.’”
It’s Raiden’s birthday today. Another missed celebration that he should be here for.
His face is gaunt, the bones of his cheeks poking out against his frail skin. The glow is missing from its place, leaving behind nothingness. He’s another year older and he doesn’t even know.
“Happy birthday, Raiden. I know you’re not here, but you have so many gifts. As soon as you wake up you can open them. I know what some of them are, and you’re going to love them.” My words come out choked as a tear streams down my face and I quickly brush it away before Ema and Rodney can see it.
They have a birthday dessert in their hand, a bowl of homemade dango that Ema made fresh this morning before they came to the hospital. I stayed with him last night, and Ema is planning on staying tonight. We’ve been rotating who stays with him, and every night I’m away from him, I feel the tugging of my soul, begging me to go back to the person who holds the other half. I’m incomplete without him.
The cupcake that I bought is for Ema and Rodney. It’s from a tiny bakery down the road that we used to frequent when we were younger. I didn’t see a point in buying something for Raiden when it would go to waste. It crushed my soul to watch the food I bought him go into the trash can because he wouldn’t wake up to eat it. There’s only so much more of myself I can give before I disintegrate in the place I stand.
“Here, this is for you two to share.” I offered the cupcake toRodney, and the plastic utensils they gave me from the bakery. Rodney’s smile is watery as he takes it and opens it. Ema hasn’t taken her eyes off Raiden. The rhythmic thumping of the heart machine sounds more like a death note in the otherwise quiet room.
“Any update?” I finally ask when the silence becomes too much as I can hear the slight wheezing of Raiden’s lungs being filled with the filtered oxygen.
“No, no update from the doctor. We heard from…” Rodney’s body jerks with a sob as he covers his mouth and shakes his head. “We heard from Josh today, though. Apparently he didn’t know Raiden has been in the hospital.”
