“Thank you,” I reply, standing up to get the stuff from here and bring it closer to the bed so I can take care of him. His soap is in the closet, stowed out of the way until I need it.
“You’re welcome.” She turns her back to walk out of the door until she stops. I wait to see what she needs when she finally faces me again. “It means a lot to him that you’re here.”
What? I think she can see the confusion on my face because her face flushes ruddy red.
“Here, with him.” She gestures towards Raiden and then turns back to me. “I can’t speak for him, of course. But I’ve been where you are. My husband was in a coma, and everyday I stayed by his side worried endlessly about him. When he came home, it was like a huge burden had been lifted off me. But he told me he could hear me talking, and that’s what led him back to me. Just… Don’t give up on him.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Knowing that her husband went through the same thingRaiden did and was able to come back has my hope growing ten fold.
“I’m not going to leave him.” I vow, to her and to Raiden.
She nods her head. Pleased with my answer.
This time when she goes, I let her get all the way to the door before the question that’s burning my mind bursts free from my mouth.
“How long was your husband in a coma for?”
She looks down, examining her wedding ring through the thin nitrile of the blue gloves she has on. I can’t see the ring, but I watch as she fiddles with it. “Two weeks, and they were the longest days of my life.”
My heart drops and the hope I was clinging too falls into the abyss. Two weeks. Raiden has already been in a coma longer than that, and I’m at my wits end. Feeling useless day in and day out, not being able to do anything for him, no matter how hard I try.
“But don’t get discouraged. He’ll be okay. But you need to take care of yourself during this time as well, he’ll wake up and be disappointed if he sees you like this.”
I could only imagine how she sees me. I haven’t looked in a mirror since Raiden has been admitted. The only times I have left was to run home and get clothes and food runs. Everything else has taken a back burner to making sure I’m with Raiden as much as I can be. What if something goes wrong and I can’t get back quick enough? I can’t risk it.
“I’m not telling you to take a two week exotic vacation. I’m just saying… Do something for yourself. It could even be something you can do right here while you spend time with him. Just don’t isolate yourself.”
What can I do? I chance a glance at Raiden and he’s the same as he was two seconds ago when I checked on him.
“Think about it, you don’t have to do anything drastic.” Sheoffers, and smiles sadly at me, shutting the door on her way out.
While I carefully wash Raiden, I let the nurse's words run over my mind. Something I can do for myself… Like a hobby?
What I really should be considering is how I’m going to go back to work after Raiden wakes up. I’ve left Hollis without an employee and the rest of the guys without a teammate so they’ve been having to work extra to pick up my slack.
After I have Raiden squeaky clean and smelling fresh, I walk over to the closet to place his things back. On the bottom shelf is my laptop, the thing should have a layer of dust from sitting in here, unused for the past month. But it doesn’t. It’s still as pristine as the day Hollis gave it to me.
I sit back in my chair and open it up, thumbing across the keyboards until genius strikes for what I can do for myself until Raiden wakes up.
31
JERICHO
“Hey tiny dancer,” I greet him as I lean over the bed and press a kiss to the tip of his nose. The oxygen machine wheezes with the effort of pumping air into his lungs. My chest squeezes in helplessness, the ache burrowing itself deep inside me with the rest of my inadequacies.
The hospital was bustling with Christmas cheer when I walked in. Nurses in Santa hats and elf shirts walking around pushing carts. Doctors wearing red coats instead of their standard white ones. It looks like Santa’s workshop in here with everyone spreading holiday excitement.
Not me though. Since Raiden ended up here, I’ve felt nothing other than despair. Happiness is no longer an emotion I can understand. How can so many people be happy when there’s people fighting for their lives everyday? People who have never done a bad thing and don’t have an evil bone in their body.
I brush the strand of hair back from Raiden’s face, the dark strand contrasting against his pale skin. He’s lost all the glowthat he used to carry around. He looks nothing more than a shell of the man he used to be.
“How much more do you have until the house is done?” Ema asks me when I finally turn to acknowledge her and Rodney sitting on the bed opposite of Raiden. Her normally youthful face has sunken in and there’s lines around her eyes that used to not be there. Rodney is the same, sitting there hunched over like the world is resting on his shoulders, and maybe it is.
“It should be finished by the end of January, we put in the flooring but we have to wait to do the walls until the paint comes in.” I’ve been devoting as much time as I can to being there during the remodel, and I’m spreading myself thin. The sleepless nights are catching up to me as I sway in the spot I stand in. That night, I pulled my laptop out and scrounged for hours to find the perfect home. One that me and Raiden could live in, could grow old in, could raise a family in. Something that was just forus.
Hollis, Connor, Ace, and the rest of the guys have been a godsend during this time. Any free moment they can, they’re at the house helping in any way they can. The one room I won’t allow them in though is the one that’s taking me the longest. I don’t care though, I’ll spend every day there by myself if that means it's perfect. I want to keep it a surprise for Raiden. I want him to see it for himself and know that even when other people gave up on him, I never did.
The few hours I spend away from him age me every time I walk out of the hospital–the knowledge that anything could happen and I’m not here still terrifies me. The only thing keeping me slightly sane while I’m working on the house is that it’s a short drive and I can be at the hospital in under ten minutes if needed.
