“Hey tiny dancer,” I greet Raiden, walking into the cramped hospital room. Ema and Rodney are sharing the pull out bed and the tiny chair is left unoccupied. It’s where I’ve been sitting, but I ran home to grab a quick shower and some clean clothes. The bag of food in my hand is for Ema and Rodney because they haven’t eaten since yesterday and I don’t want them to waste away while we wait for Raiden to wake up.
“Any updates?” I ask when I hand Rodney the bag of takeout from Ema’s favorite restaurant. I grabbed Raiden his favorite as well. In case he wakes up, he’ll be pissed if he smells the greasy fries and realizes we didn’t get him anything.
Rodney shakes his head, keeping his eyes focused on the bag as he pulls out everything. He hands one carton to Ema but she sits it on the tray to her side, not bothering to open it. Her eyes are focused on her son.
Hollis, Connor, and Ace took my parents home last night while we waited for Raiden to be put in a room. I’m supposed to keep them updated, and I’m also trying to take care of Rodney and Ema at the same time.
The heartbeat monitor and the slight wheezing from the oxygen machine are loud in the otherwise quiet room. It’s too quiet, Raiden would hate it.
I click on the TV, thumbing through the channels until I settle on a random reality TV show, hoping that maybe the drama on the screen will encourage Raiden to wake up.
Sitting on the chair closest to the bed, I hold his hand in mine. His skin is cold, but I can see the strong pulse in his wrist beating to its own rhythm.
They don’t know how long he’ll be in a coma. How the fuck could they not know? The only information we were given was that he had swelling of his brain and they had to induce the coma to help it.
It varies case to case.Those were the doctor’s words when he stopped by to see us after Raiden had been put in a room. He couldn’t tell us anything more specific. Just to talk to him and that he would be able to hear us. Probably. I don’t know if he even believes his own words, but on the off chance they’re true, I’m going to devote every breath I have into talking to him.
Ema finally caves when Rodney offers her a bite of the sandwich he unwrapped. Her eyes never leave Raiden’s face as she chews and swallows.
The tubes connected to his face and the wires stuck to him make my stomach roll. His face is pale and his lips are chapped where the tube is in his mouth. I grabbed his favorite chapstick from the gift shop downstairs. I’ll ask the nurse when she comes back in if it's okay to put on him. He hates the feeling of chapped lips.
My phone rings in my pocket, and I check to see who’s calling before I mute it and tuck it away. It’s Hollis, but I can’t put forth the effort to talk to him, or any of the other guys right now. I have to save all of my energy for Raiden.
“You should answer that,” Rodney says, tucking the trashfrom their food away and standing from his spot. He stretches out his back before walking over to the trash can beside me.
“Not right now. If it’s important they’ll leave a message.”
“Don’t do that to your friends, not right now. You need them, Jericho.” He slaps me gently on the back and I feel my exhaustion down to the bone. I haven’t had a moment of sleep since the night before last, before my life imploded before my eyes. I can’t keep my eyes shut for longer than two minutes, the panic of missing everything too great to risk. What if Raiden needs me, and I miss it because my eyes are closed? I can’t.
“I know, and I’ll call them back in a little bit.” I reaffirm harder, and then immediately regret it. Rodney and Ema have it worse than I do, their son is laid up in the hospital bed. They should resent me, it’s my fault he’s in here. What if I would have reassured him before I walked into the bedroom with Liam? What if I would have broken up with Liam sooner? There’s a million littleifs,the pesky fuckers that they are. But it’s too late forwhat ifs.
That’s the love of my life laying in that bed though, and if I have to ignore my friends calls for the rest of my days to make sure I can keep an eye on him round the clock, I will.
“Knock knock.” Speak of the devils. Hollis pushes the door open, his arms laden with a bag. Connor and Ace are right behind him. “The other guys are downstairs, but they wanted to stop by and check on you too.”
“It’s not me that needs checking on.” My temper is a frayed edge and I’m barely holding on. It’s notmethat needs to be checked on. I deserve nothing. Raiden is the one who needs all the help he can get.
“Well, anyway,” Hollis continues like I didn’t just almost bite his head off. “I brought things. I figured you went home, but there’s going to be more stuff you need and me and the guys wanted to drop it off for you. And to let you know whatever you need, we’re here for you. Take as much time as you need.”Hollis steps closer to me and wraps me in a hug, securing my arms to the side. Connor comes up next and wraps both of us in his arms. Finally, I feel Ace’s arms around me and that’s when I crumble, letting the pain I’m feeling bubble to the surface as my brothers hold me tight in their arms, holding my burden for me until I can get myself under control.
“We’re here for you, Coco. Whatever you need, just say the word. Always.” They don’t let go, and we stay hugging until a throat clearing through the open door to the hallways interrupts us. It’s the nurse from earlier.
“We’ll get out of here, but really, call us if you need anything. Love you, man.” Connor claps me on the shoulder and they all say their goodbyes quickly to let the nurse in to take Raiden’s vitals.
She works efficiently, never batting an eye at the unconscious man laying in the bed she’s working on. I don’t want to distract her with any questions, so I wait until she’s done to ask.
“Can I put some chapstick on him? His lips look too dry and I’m worried they’re going to crack and be uncomfortable for him.”
She looks at me and just when I think she’s going to tell me no, she nods her head. “Come here, let me help you the first time you do it. With the hook ups you have to be careful not to touch or disturb them. I doubt it would mess anything up, but better safe than sorry.”
I rush over to her side, producing the tube of chapstick, and she shows me–very slowly–exactly how to do it. It looks easy enough, I should be able to do it with gentle care. When I wipe the product across his bottom lip, there’s a small imperfection in the skin. His lip ring is missing. My stomach drops as I trace my fingers across the small hole.
“Thank you,” I tell her while she’s walking out.
“You’re welcome, if you have any other questions let me or the other nurses know.”
Ema and Rodney never take their eyes off Raiden, and neither do I. The sun starts to set, and another nurse comes in, going through the same routine until she’s satisfied.
“Visiting hours are over in thirty minutes,” she tells us gently and I don’t acknowledge her words. They don’t apply to us, we’re going to stay here by Raiden’s side. They can’t make us leave, I won’t allow it.
